Showing posts with label buddhism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label buddhism. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Remembering Peter and Lorraine Lieberson: True Love as a Practice for Awakening the Heart

Peter & Lorraine, ©2006, Emil Miland
O    ihr Zärtlichen, tretet zuweilen
in den Atem, der euch nicht meint,
laßt ihn an eueren Wangen sich teilen,
hinter euch zittert er, wieder vereint.

O ihr Seligen, O ihr Heilen,
die ihr der Anfang der Herzen scheint.
Bogen der Pfeile und Ziele von Pfeilen,
ewiger glänzt euer Lächeln verweint.

Fürchtet euch nicht zu leiden, die Schwere,
gebt sie zurück an der Erde Gewicht;
schwer sind die Berge, schwer sind die Meere.

Selbst die als Kinder ihr pflanztet, die Bäume,
wurden zu schwer längst ; ihr trüget sie nicht.
Aber die Lüfte ... aber die Räume ...

[O you Tender Ones, you will walk, persisting
Through the cold breath that was not breathed for your sake,
Your heedless cheeks oblivious to its trembling.
Blowing as it does, the wind coalesces behind you after you've passed, without trace.

O Blessed Ones, healthy and whole though you be now,
Who seem to be enveloped and self-sufficient, the epitome of life and the heart's beginning.
Bows are there for each conceivable arrow and a target for all arrows:
Logical correlates of the perpetual brilliance of your pulsatile smile.

Fear not the pain and sorrow and stillness that will inevitably come,
Consign all of that back to the heavy Earth who knows good and well what to do with it:
Heavy are the mountains, heavy the seas.

Even as a child, you planted these trees:
Already they are awfully heavy, beyond belief really.
Despite this persists the pervasive space ... the ubiquitous breezes ...]”
  —  Rainer Maria Rilke, Sonnets to Orpheus, VI.
P eter Lieberson died of sepsis, a complication of his lymphoma and treatment for lymphoma last Saturday, at age 64. Lieberson gratified our ears not only with composerly talent but with a humor and warm personality that do not require atmospheric ‘soft-focus’ photos like the one above to convey the inner gentleness.

P eter’s wife, Lorraine Hunt Lieberson, died of breast cancer at age 52, in 2006. She was a mezzo-soprano, known for her dramatic power and raw virtuosity as well as her artistry performing Baroque era and new compositions. Her career path to becoming a singer was unconventional. Formerly a professional violist, Lieberson changed her full-time focus to singing when she was around 30 (1985 and beyond). As violist she played in the Orchestra of Emmanuel Music in Boston under conductor Craig Smith and later sang in the chorus. For a time, she was also principal viola in Berkeley Symphony.

I n re-listening to recordings I have of Peter’s later compositions, Lorraine’s influence on Peter’s soul and heart becomes evident… how she provided him with insights and renewal. This is an undeniable element in Peter’s writing after 1997. Lorraine’s influence is diaphoric, trans-illuminating—an emblem of spirit-in-matter. Must be why he fell in love with her… good reason why anyone would fall in love with anyone.


    [50-sec clip, Lorraine Hunt Lieberson & Peter Serkin, Peter Lieberson, ‘Rilke Songs’, ‘O, ihr Zärtlichen’, 1.6MB MP3]

L ieberson was expert at syllabic setting and pitch repetition: the vocal part centers on particular notes for considerable proportions of passages. These songs are predominantly recitative. They have suspended accompaniment and rubato manifestations of the singing part.

W   hen I was growing up, my mother, whose first language was German, would often quote lines from Rilke. I have been drawn to his poetry ever since. Rilke evokes feelings, states of being that are at the edge of awareness, mysterious but close to the heart. One can’t always understand exactly what he means. I believe this is a deliberate elusiveness in order to provoke our intuition. The Rilke Songs were written for my wife, Lorraine Hunt Lieberson. I think of them as love songs even though the poems themselves are not overtly about love. They are about being childlike and open in ‘O ihr Zärtlichen’; in ‘Atmen, du unsichtbares Gedicht!,’ they are about the breath being a complete exchange between our own essence and the universe. They are about how the breath seems to go out into space like our wandering son; the mysterious way in which we might transform ourselves: ‘If drinking is bitter, turn yourself into wine’ (‘Stiller Freund’). To me these Rilkean insights are a gift of love..”
  —  Peter Lieberson, program notes.
K atherine Kelton maintains that Peter Lieberson “learned about the complexity of the human voice and the multitude of intricacies of which it is capable” through Lorraine. “Much as Robert Schumann’s love for Clara Wieck inspired him to compose in a genre he had previously disregarded,” so too Lorraine propelled Peter in directions that were, up to then, unfamiliar.

M aybe this is so; maybe a ‘push’ theory is right.

B ut it is also possible (and, I think, more likely) that it was a matter of ‘pull’, of natural attraction. In fact, it is hardly plausible that the diverse nuances of the voice could have been novel for Peter in 1997. If anything, his many years leading Shambhala sessions led him to develop acute sensitivity to myriad manifestations of ego/self and selflessness. And there was Lorraine, an eager collaborator, able to animate a composition so as to lead to discoveries for both, on the part of both.

L orraine’s performances of Peter’s compositions evoke what Mircea Eliade once called ‘dialectique du sacre’ and ‘hierophanies’. Sacred portrayal is realized as an individual creative act—one that embodies both spiritual insight and sensual perception. The relationship ceases to be merely ‘of-the-world’. It achieves transcendence, a dimension of sacredness. That, I believe, is what we hear in these wonderful recordings. The feeling conveyed is one of consummate ‘hereness’, ‘thisness’—a kind of presence, of living entirely in the present.

I    think of my Rilke Songs as love songs even though they are not overtly about love. They are, for example, about being child-like and open, as in “O ihr Zärtlichen;” about the breath being a complete exchange of our own essence with the universe in “Atmen, du unsichtbares Gedicht;” about the mysterious ways in which we might transform ourselves in “Stiller Freund” . . . To me, these Rilkean insights are gifts of love.”
  — Peter Lieberson, program notes to ‘Rilke Songs’.
T   he act of singing... when my voice is feeling free and soaring... it is a wonderful, healing experience.”
  — Lorraine Hunt, interview with Terry Gross, NPR, 1996.
T    he spelling sgra bla (‘la of sound’) found in the ancient texts as a matter of fact is based on a very deep principle characteristic of the most authentic Bön tradition. Sound, albeit not visible, can be perceived through the sense of hearing and used as a means of communication, and is in fact linked to the cha (the individual’s positive force, the base of prosperity), wang tang (ascendancy-capacity), and all the other aspects of a person’s energy, aspects that are directly related with the protective deities and entities that every person has from birth. Moreover, sound is considered the foremost connection between the individual himself and his la.”
  —  Namkhai Norbu Rinpoche, Drung De’u and Bön, translated by Adriano Clemente, Library of Tibetan Works and Archives, 1995, p. 61.
T o me, Peter Lieberson’s later compositions embody Shambhala texts that reveal and test our relationship to the “material world” and our sense perceptions. They teach the practice of enriching presence—the ability to instantly envision the inner wealth within oneself.

T   o compose ‘Neruda Songs’, I responded to the words and to the emotional tone of the poem. I heard notes when I read the words. Generally I like the tactile feeling, the sensual feeling of being at the piano, so I compose there. I listen very, very carefully to the words, and the harmony is very intuitive. The great period of jazz, that’s how I learned harmony, Bill Evans and Miles Davis. That was my ear training. Orchestrations come easily to me, and I often hear which instrument should be playing. It’s constant responsiveness; it’s somewhere between improvising and strategizing.”
  —  Peter Lieberson, interview with Pierre Ruhe, 10-JUN-2010.
T here is, to me, a cinematic quality to the songs—as though the composer were a cameraman.

C amera placement distinctly influences our perception of the world that’s portrayed and the characters in it. Shooting down at a seated character can diminish her presence and stature; it may make her seem submissive or even supplicative. Filming up at a character provides a sense of the figure’s power and command. By contrast, in Rilke Songs it is as if Peter Lieberson’s ‘camera’ is placed at eye-level, making the perspective like what we would see while sitting across from Lorraine having a conversation. The character isn’t ‘owned’ by the camera/cameraperson nor is she sensationalized by it.

C    ombien qu'a nous soit cause le Soleil
Que toute chose est tresclerement veue:
Ce neantmoins pour trop arrester l'œil
En sa splendeur lon pert soubdain la veue.
Mon ame ainsi de son objiect pourueue
De tous mes sens me rend abandonné,
Comme si lors en moy tout estonné
Semeles fust en presence rauie
De son Amant de fouldre enuironné
Qui luy ostast par ses esclaires la vie.

[Much as the Sun causes each thing
To lie so clearly before our eyes:
To linger too long in its splendor
Is to be suddenly made blind.
My soul and its object
Now abandoned by all my senses,
As if, within me, and to my great surprise
Semele were ravished in my presence
By her Lover [Zeus] who, with his thunderbolts,
Snatched her life in a flash of light.]”
  —  Maurice Scève, Délie, v.443.
T here is an interview that Lorraine did with NPR’s Terry Gross back in 1996, in which Lorraine confides her fascination with identity-bending, gender-bending roles—the journeys of self-discovery and transcendence that are made possible through these. Beyond angle, camera placement also affects the view that we have onto the action and the resultant meaning we can derive from a shot. On the surface, the Rilke Songs setting of several Rilke poems celebrate the then-undersung life and burgeoning talent of Lorraine Hunt Lieberson. That her belated decampment from viola to singing was what vaulted her to international fame was an oddity: here was the soul and and the propensities of a string player inhabiting an operatic singer’s body.

P eter leveraged Lorraine’s enthusiasm for transcendent experiences to honor her. In Rilke Songs, it is as though composer Peter were a filmmaker choosing to shoot in a long profile ‘take’. The placement of the voice-leading/camera here and the accompaniment there; the choice to let the ‘shot’ play out as it does; these reveal the nuanced components, not only of composition but of microphone placement and physicality that Lorraine so deftly crafted in the use of her vocal instrument. No other ‘camera’ position and mic position could have permitted such insight into her craft, nor into the craft of the composer who created this vehicle for shared expression.

E   very 24-hour day is a tremendous gift to us. So we all should learn to live in a way that makes joy and happiness possible. The first miracle of mindfulness is our true presence—being here, present, totally alive. If you are really here, the other will also be here. Loving? It is recognizing the presence of the other with your love... Dear One, I am here for you... A human tendency is to see spirituality as a process of self-improvement—the impulse to develop and refine the ego when the ego is, by nature, essentially empty. The problem is that ego can convert anything to its own use, even spirituality.”
  — Thich Nhat Hanh.
N o atmospherics or sentimentality in this long ‘take’. Her delivery is straightforward and expository, articulated calmly and directly to the listener. Knowing as we do that these performances were sung—the compositions were composed—when Lorraine was already afflicted by breast cancer, the récits produce a kind of uncanniness; produce narrative convergences between Peter and Lorraine; they embody a tantric, elliptical concentration; they are an Unheimlichkeit, a Verklärung, eine Vorahnung.

T hese wonderful specimens of humankind will be deeply missed.

Shambhala
  • The Heart of Warriorship
  • Level I: The Art of Being Human
  • Level II: Birth of the Warrior
  • Level III: Warrior in the World
  • Level IV: Awakened Heart
  • Level V: Open Sky

  • The Sacred Path
  • Great Eastern Sun
  • Windhorse
  • Drala
  • Meek
  • Perky
  • Outrageous and Inscrutable
  • Golden Key




Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Christoph Maria Moosmann: Minimalism Is Relative

 Christoph Moosmann
T   he melodies themselves go from sound to sound, but the internals are empty abysses—because the notes are lacking in sonic energy. The inner space is itself empty.”
  —  Giacinto Scelsi.
T he ways that the organ emulates the human voice are familiar enough. But minimalist, textural compositions can lead us to re-examine what is the voice, what is the self? Exhibit “A”: Christoph Maria Moosman’s 2009 recording (link below) of pieces by Giacinto Scelsi, Arvo Pärt, and John Cage.


    [50-sec clip, Christoph Maria Moosmann, Giacinto Scelsi, ‘In Nomine Lucis’, 1974, 1.6MB MP3]

T here are sudden variations in the dynamics and texture, giving a sense of suppleness and surprising vitality. The beat-frequencies of minor seconds leave impressions of quarter-tones. Frequently there appear string-like vibrato effects and pulsations within a single tone. These qualities mimic ‘vocal’ improvisations—things that piano and other instruments simply could not do. It isn’t plausible that Scelsi created these improvisations with certain ‘models’ in mind, even ‘ritual music’ of Tibetan Buddhism.

T   he creation of music is an event full of differentiation and multiple transfers. The composer intuits something ungraspable, as yet not definable and gives it a sort of shape. The result, the musical score, isn’t music yet, is not audible yet. If a person is able to imagine the soundscape that is hidden in a sheet of music, to ‘hear’ in his/her mind the sound and rhythms as yet to be expressed by instruments, then that person is capable of a feat that hardly anyone can master. We are utterly dependent on mediators who transform the visible-but-not-audible sheet of music into an audible-but-not-visible music.”
  —  Christa Maysenhölder.
W e might naturally assume that, if Scelsi was deliberate in his improvisations, he must have had some plan or sketch or idea of what he was aiming to create. Yet this ‘In Nomine Lucis’ and other pieces lead us to suspect otherwise: the music generates itself, its own form, its own trajectory. We know that it is the product of human creative activity, but it is, despite this, more like a natural object, a stream, a branch of a tree, moving but subjectless.

A fter Scelsi’s improvisations were recorded, he typically had collaborators help him realize and notate the final product: Scelsi believed that the processes of transcription and notation were not jobs for the ‘artist’ but should be instead given over to ‘craftsmen.’ He collaborated with various trusted friends and colleagues—Roman Blood, Sergio Caferro, Alvin Curran, Frances-Marie Uitti, Vieru Tosatti, others. Third-party transcription as a fundamental part of his method: Scelsi’s compositions feel even more ‘organic’ or more distanced from the composer on account of this.

F or me, this evokes the same sort of distancing or suspense that we feel when we hear laryngectomees using electrolarynx prostheses. The pitch and timbral variations that TruTone™ and Servox™ and other digital prosthetic devices are now capable of are considerable. But their nuances are still inevitably less than the natural voice would have. The prostheses embody restrictions, road-blocks, performance risk.

A nd these features lead us to discover in the boundaries-pushing, constraints-challenging, indomitable performance under duress: new dimensions of the person—of the ‘subject’, of embodiment, of ensoulment in the living body.

A    t the end of the nineteen-fifties, Giacinto Scelsi, a self-taught Italian composer and erstwhile playboy Count who had dabbled in Eastern religions and Theosophy, had the extraordinary idea of writing an entire work—the ‘Four Pieces’ for chamber orchestra—that consisted of only single tones, one for each movement. Scelsi was not the first to hit on this concept: Elliott Carter had ventured it in his ‘Eight Études and a Fantasy’ in 1950. Nor is the scheme followed literally—the instruments often bend away from the parent note, shifting by microtones, semitones, or larger intervals. But by the end of the work a paradigm shift has taken place: the Tone is all-powerful once more. Music returns to its primitive origins: melody formed from noise.”
  —  Alex Ross.
C hristoph Maria Moosmann was born in 1960 in Riedlingen, Germany. He studied Catholic Church Music at Freiburg Conservatory and subsequently studied for the Kapellmeister diploma in Basel and Zurich. From 1982 to 1988 he was organist at University Church in Freiburg and Artistic Dirctor of Musiktage at University of Freiburg. From 1988 to 1994 he served as organist of the City Church in Wil, Switzerland, and since 1995 he has been the principal organist of the Church Maria Frieden in Zurich-Dubendorf.

 Giacinto Scelsi






Sunday, April 5, 2009

James Mulcro Drew, Chamber Music at Extreme Temperatures

 James Drew, amid instruments made by sculptor Lin Emery
T    he work’s timeless quality draws attention to a spatial world not unlike the movement within an Alexander Calder mobile, or parallel forms found in Asian court music ... a protest against the flow of musically-experienced time, rather than a space-drama imaginatively constructed from one fragment of a micromusical idea.”
  —  James Drew, program notes, Manhattan School of Music, 1970.
I    aspire to incorporate spiritual immensities in my music through masses of sound which intensifies by the process of refraction or blurring, while allowing submerged melodic lines to appear and disappear. It’s like painting with a very large brush. Like those old fresco guys—or like Asian calligraphy on a massive scale—even with one tone. You know ... like a big swipe with a very loaded brush.”
  —  James Mulcro Drew.
I n thermodynamics, an adiabatic process is any thermodynamic process in which no heat is transferred to or from the surrounding space. The term ‘adiabatic’ literally means impassable, coming from the Greek roots ἀ- (‘not’), διὰ- (‘through’), and βαῖνειν ("to pass"). It means a total absence of heat transfer.

A t temperatures near 0°K, nearly all molecular motion ceases and the entropy change ΔS = 0 for any adiabatic process. Pure substances can (ideally) form perfect crystals as T→0.

 Entropy change, adiabatic process, in the limit at absolute zero

    [50-sec clip, Drew et al., Animating Degree Zero, ‘Animating’, 1.6MB MP3]


    [50-sec clip, Drew et al., Animating Degree Zero, ’12 Centers Breathing’, 1.6MB MP3]


    [50-sec clip, Drew et al., Animating Degree Zero, ‘Solemn Acts in Rain’, 1.6MB MP3]

 Barton Workshop
I n this wonderful recording we have members of the Barton Workshop performing several works that James Drew composed between 2001 and 2005.

A t very low temperatures in the vicinity of absolute zero, matter exhibits many unusual properties including superconductivity, superfluidity, and Bose-Einstein condensates.

A t [musical] temperatures close to absolute zero, quantum [musical] particles begin taking on new ‘collective’ properties. Delinquent waves begin to act in concert. At low temperatures where everything occurs in slow-motion, the true nature of the most basic constituents of the ensemble are revealed. I wonder whether it could be measured... wonder whether quantum phenomena like the ‘observer effect’ occurs outside the subatomic world, in the world of macroscopic processes like human beings playing and listening to music. According to the second law of thermodynamics, all physical processes in the Universe can naturally flow only from a state of greater energy to lesser energy.

T hrow a stone into a lake, and the ripples it makes eventually die out. My cup of hot coffee can [left by itself in a setting where the ambient temperature is lower than the coffee] only get cooler, not hotter.

B ut near absolute zero the particles comprising an object behave differently. Although the ensemble ‘atoms’ are still part of a ‘gas’, they behave more like atoms of a metal—like one smeared-out single entity, similar to experiments with rubidium gas by Eric Cornell and Carl Wieman at the University of Colorado Boulder in 1995, for which they won the Nobel Prize for Physics in 2001. The James Drew expressions form what I think is a musical equivalent to a Bose-Einstein condensate—a peculiar property of atoms slowing down so much that they are zen-like, almost at rest.

T he sonic attributes that I’m referring to can be heard in each of the compositions on this disc... the ‘direct sound duration’ of each note, as contrasted with indirect sounds and their durations and decay. Listen to the sympathetic resonance between notes and the quadratic effect, especially in the piano part [when applicable].

I n the piano, a very high soundboard Q-factor shortens high frequencies’ durations. The piano’s soundboard mechanical impedance affects the global sound duration of the instrument, and, for the instrument performed and recorded on this disc, the high impedance yields longer-duration sounds, slower decays. The tones ‘blossom’ after the initial attack, and sympathetic resonances bring the ensemble of waves in-line. Electron-cloud-like, metallic.

O n hard [piano key; viola; etc.] attacks, the nonlinear part of the string response increases, producing frequencies with twice the values of the normal ones. The quadratic effect influences the loudness of this nonlinear response, and, when the score has such low entropy [close to musical absolute zero], the nonlinearities are very prominent—and are probably related to the superfluid Bose-Einstein condensate-like quality of the collective, coalescing, long-range musical effects that are created here. Similarities to quantum software algorithms (see writings by Matt Hastings at LANL, and others), in terms of process and in terms of how you go about measuring statistical physics properties of music like this...

D rew was born in 1929 and studied with Wallingford Riegger and Edgard Varèse. He taught at Northwestern University, Yale University, UCLA, Cal State, and other institutions. He has performed with and co-founded several musical groups, including the Crossfire Mission Orchestra in the late 1960s in New Haven (radical performances, often behind barbed wire), the Mysterious Traveling Cabaret, the American Music Theater in California, the Blast Opera Theater. In his quasi-retirement he has undertaken concerts and arts education work with the Grey Wolf Project. Barton ‘Zero’ disk is simply excellent.

 Animating Degree Zero




Friday, February 1, 2008

What’s Up with Stage Fright and Chamber Music?

5-HTP 200 mg extended-release tablets
W  hat about nutraceuticals or dietary approaches for stage fright? Aren’t there any over-the-counter supplements that work? What about amino acids? What about melatonin? I’m in a managed-care plan and I never get to see the same doctor twice. And the docs won’t ever spend more than 6 minutes talking to me, at best. The clinic schedule is so busy, they just go jumping from exam room to exam room. And the doctors’ decisions are reviewed and second-guessed by all these bean-counter administrators and compliance people. There’s no way I can go in there and ask for a prescription for a beta blocker or one of the other meds for performance anxiety you’ve written about in these blogs. Bells and whistles and alarms would go off. For all I know, the managed care plan might even tell my employer about it. On top of which the doc probably wouldn’t write the prescription anyway. I don’t have high blood pressure or any other condition beta blockers are normally used for. Makes me mad. What options do I have?”
  — Anonymous.
There was never any intention to provide a forum here in CMT for frequent discussion and critiquing of stage fright and modalities for managing performance anxiety. But, surprisingly, the posts about stage fright are among the most heavily “hit” and searched, of the 150-odd posts currently on CMT blog. And the numerous emails and comments clearly show a latent unmet need out there.

I’m not sure why this topic is ‘striking such a chord’ for CMT readers. Probably it has something to do with the fact that chamber music orchestration and small ensemble performance are so ‘open’—the individual musicians’ exposure and risk are in general greater than they are when performing in larger orchestral or choral groups; the performance venues for chamber music are specifically ones whose acoustics accentuates the intimacy and exposure; and there’s absolutely nowhere to hide, no ‘room’ for error. Every note, every nuance, every mistake will be heard. And chamber music audiences are highly attentive and critical. These features make for an ‘unforgiving’ environment—less forgiving, anyhow, than other live performance genres and venues and audiences. In fact, I suppose that this indigenous ‘high-stakes intimacy’ is part of chamber music’s thrill and appeal, for performers and composers and listeners alike.

While my own preference is to rely on deep-breathing and other non-pharmaceutical practices, there are many CMT readers who’ve sent me emails about their experiences with beta-blockers and other of the approaches that’ve been covered in the previous posts. And, recently there’ve been a number of inquiries about whether the amino acid, 5-hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP), is useful for managing or preventing stage fright. This post describes my own informal trial of 5-HTP over the past 6 months.

I  originally tried 5-HTP, not because of performance anxiety but because I was having trouble staying asleep at night, due to situational stress at work. I didn’t want to use any strong prescription sleeping medications, but I’d heard that 5-HTP may help with sleeping. Then I came across the Turner and Schruers and Miller journal articles and decided to explore what 5-HTP’s effects might be on my music.

Initially, I tried the 100 mg immediate-release tablets, but the dose was too low (for me)—or possibly the immediate-release formulation allows too much of the 5-HTP to be destroyed by the acid in the stomach, and therefore I wasn’t actually getting a full 100 milligrams-worth. The rapid dissolution immediate-release also gave me some bowel upset 6 or more hours after taking the tablet. But the 200 mg extended-release formulation works well and has no G.I. side-effects for me.

The 200 mg extended-release tablets also offer a relative advantage in terms of gradual, gentler onset of action. The 5-HTP is predominantly absorbed in the small intestine, so you want the tablet to pass through the stomach relatively quickly and move on beyond, into the duodenum and jejunum. Take the tablets on an empty stomach. I take one tablet 2h prior to performance with 60 mL (2 ounces) of fruit juice or water. Then I take a second tablet 1h prior to performance, again with a small amount of juice.

The most noticeable thing for me is that my inner dialogue with myself quiets down. The aspect of pre-performance jitters that manifests itself with unspoken chatter in my mind: the internal chatter just subsides in a nice Zen-like way. My ‘edge’ is not blunted at all, but I feel more serene. Subtle, useful effect.

Very busy weeks have led me to try 5-HTP on several consecutive days. Then, the next day when I don’t take any 5-HTP, I feel a little ‘low’. There’s a bit of a ‘crash’. I’m not lethargic, not mentally dulled or distracted, not sleepy, not overtly clinically depressed. Just mildly ‘down’. (My normal delight in small good things that happen each day, where’s that? My inclination to go visit with friends, where’s that gone?) I’m back to my normal, chipper self by Day-2 or Day-3.

The experience with the ‘crash’ following multi-day use of 5-HTP makes me want to tell you that, despite the fact that 5-HTP is “just an amino acid” or “just an OTC food supplement”, it nonetheless does have medication-like properties in these doses and should be taken with a level of care and caution that would ordinarily accompany our use of any medication. Dietary supplementation with serotonin precursors (5-HTP, tryptophan, etc.) in doses sufficiently high to be effective in changing mood or performance anxiety or your emotional response to stress———is bound to change the equilibrium of the biochemical pathways and endocrine feedback loops that control serotonin metabolism—in your brain and in other organ systems. Gee—you wouldn’t expect going on and off a clinically-effective dose of SSRI to have zero side-effects, so why would you or I expect that going on and off a clinically-effective dose of 5-HTP would have zero side-effects?

In summary, 5-HTP seems to have significant efficacy for panic attacks and stage fright anxiety, as reported in recent research journal articles. Since I have only mild jitters and don’t experience severe performance anxiety myself, I can’t say whether 5-HTP is likely to work for you, those of you who have severe symptoms. And I can’t say whether its effectiveness is ‘durable’—don’t know whether significant ‘tolerance’ to 5-HTP’s effects develops if you use it continuously or for long periods; don’t know whether dose-escalation is needed to sustain efficacy with chronic use.

What I can say from my own first-hand experience is that acute, occasional 5-HTP use does seem valuable and is worth a try. It’s readily available without any prescription and it’s relatively cheap. It has only mild, transient side-effects with acute, occasional use in doses up to 400 mg. And, in my experience, its [low-dose, extended-release formulation— ] effects don’t adversely affect vision, hearing, touch, blood pressure, breathing, muscle coordination, memory, or other aspects related to music performance.

There’s no reason why 5-HTP use couldn’t be combined with one of the other stage fright prevention/treatment modalities (a beta blocker; or a vasodilator like prazosin; or an anticholinergic like biperiden or trihexyphenidyl; or an anticonvulsant like levetiracetam; or deep-breathing or biofeedback training or meditation). The mechanisms-of-action for those modalities [probably] don’t involve serotonin pathways.

Tryptophan – Serotonin biochemical pathways
The effects of the different modalities might be additive when used together—enabling you to achieve the effect that’s adequate for you at lower doses of each than would be required to achieve the same effect with either med by itself. If you’re now using 40 mg of propranolol, you might, for example, be able to do as well with 20 mg of propranolol plus 200 mg of the 5-HTP. Or maybe even 10 mg of propranolol and only 100 mg or 50 mg of the 5-HTP.

Similarly, it’s possible that using 5-HTP with deep-breathing or biofeedback or yoga or meditation may enable you to achieve the same efficacy at lower doses of the 5-HTP and lower intensities of the biofeedback exercises than would be needed if you were using one or the other of them alone.

RESPeRATE breathing biofeedback training device
V ajrayoginī carries a hooked knife (kartari; triguk) known as the ‘Hook of Mercy,’ the weapon of non-thought that cuts the deceptions of self-cherishing. Non-thought (togme) is the most basic expression of Vajrayoginī, for her mind is completely free from subconscious chatter and from habitual patterns that give rise to obsessive thoughts. Non-thought is a purified form of ignorance, traditionally symbolized in Buddhism by a pig. In this sādhana, the dākinī is secretly known as Vajravārāhī, and her ignorance is transformed into freedom, the wisdom of limitless space.”
  —  Judith Simmer-Brown, p. 142.

StressEraser breathing biofeedback training device
Conversely, I think combining 5-HTP with an SSRI or with a benzodiazepine or with Risperdal or Buspar would be a distinctly bad or unsafe idea. Possible risk of ‘serotonin syndrome’ or other adverse effects.

You should not take 5-HTP if you have any of the following:
  • MAO inhibitor antidepressant use within the past 2 weeks;
  • tricyclic antidepressant use within the past 2 weeks;
  • SSRI antidepressant use within the past 2 weeks;
  • triptan antimigraine use within the past 2 weeks;
  • history of angina, myocardial ischemia, heart attack, cardiac arrhythmia;
  • pregnant;
  • breast-feeding;
  • carcinoid tumor .

The information on this page is not intended as medical advice and is not meant to be a substitute for individual medical judgment by a physician or other medical healthcare professional. The aim is to provide information and help in suggesting considerations for preventive care. The medications listed should be used only after a medical examination and under the supervision of a doctor. Always consult a licensed healthcare provider for individualized advice on your health decisions.


Click on the screenshot below to download the API (Acute Panic Inventory) questionnaire, to calculate the severity of your symptoms. You may like to keep a log of how your symptoms change over time, when you perform in different settings and when you try different approaches to manage your stage fright symptoms. The performance anxiety you experience may not properly be ‘panic attacks’ per se, but the API is probably the instrument that’s been most frequently used in longitudinal research on these sorts of symptoms. If you measure your experiences with the API and look for trends and correlations with what you’re doing to manage the symptoms, that will help you to assess what’s working and what’s not. Let me know how it goes, and I’ll continue to share things from time to time here on CMT.


Acute Panic Inventory (API) Spreadsheet