30 April 07

Psychotherapy with Dr. T (2)

“So what’s stressing you out?” Dr. T asked.
“My release,” I said. “I keep thinking that I’m not going to get released come this November.”
“Anxiety is normal in this situation. I would expect your symptoms to increase as you get closer to the date. Have you not been using your cognitive techniques?”
“Yes. I’ve been reading more Aurelius and Epictetus. And last night I posted to my wall something I read in my latest Siddha Yoga lesson: concentrating on any problem only serves to intensify it. I even laugh at how ridiculous I am for worrying but then later on I convince myself I’m not getting out again. Do I have short-termer madness?”
“That’s not how I’d describe it. This anxiety is a normal thing.”
“Even if it keeps me awake at night with racing thoughts? So many strange things have happened with my legal case it almost seems as if the law of averages indicates that my release will get botched somehow.”
“Staying up at nights is not a good thing. You need to sleep. Concentrate on your breathing. Are you aware of how rapidly you’re breathing now?”
“I wasn’t, but now I am. I felt so excited when this year began. But now my thoughts have shifted into another direction.”
“Freedom equals the realisation of your hopes and fears. You must use your cognitive techniques or else your symptoms will get much worse. Is there anything else bothering you?”
“No. We’ve covered my main concern.”
“Then put in a HNR if you need to see me again.”
“OK. Thanks.”
Feeling stressed out, I walked home wishing a lengthy session with Dr. O were available. Then I realised how spoiled I was by Dr. O.

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