25 Feb 08

Posh Bird

My ability to keep my agreement with my sister, Karen – that I would remain single for one year after being released from prison in order to take my time to hopefully find the right woman – is diminishing as I seem to be falling for Posh Bird. I gave her flowers for Valentine’s Day, and we spent from 1:30 to 9pm yesterday at the Playhouse watching Tolstoy’s War and Peace. She came for a curry at my parents’ house on Saturday, and I spent time with her parents and brother (who is a policeman) at the weekend.

“Why do the people of our hometown call you Posh Bird?” I asked.
“Because, apparently, I speak with a posh accent in comparison with other people from this town. It came from being in work, really from one particular person, and it just kind of stuck. Then everyone called me Posh Bird. And also, when I’ve moved to a different place of work, someone else will call me posh.”
“So it follows you around?”
“It does.”
“How posh are you?”
“Not very. People who really know me would disagree. I think it’s just my voice. Do you think I speak posh?”
“You don’t speak like a towny.”
“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?”
“Yes. I think you’re down-to-earth, but one of my readers commented that you may be a bit high maintenance.”
“I completely disagree. First of all, I don’t consider myself as being posh.”
“Are you high maintenance?”
“No. I really don’t think Iam.”
“Materialistic?”
“Not at all.”
“How do you feel about dating someone who just got out of prison?”
“What makes it different in your case is I know your mum and dad. If someone ever said to me, ‘Would you go out with someone who’s been in prison?’ I’d probably say no.”
“Why?”
“It’d be too much for me.”
“In what way?”
“I’d think, Why is he in prison? for starters. Also, because I wouldn’t need that kind of complication in my life.”
“Is my incarceration complicating your life?”
“Seriously, I’ve not thought about it completely, but at the moment it doesn’t seem like an issue at all.”
“Could it become an issue in the future?”
“I don’t think the whole prison thing would be an issue, but I don’t know your whole story. Whether that could change things, I don’t know.”
“My story is I threw parties, bought a lot of drugs and wanted everyone to have a good time.”
“And that’s it?”
“It was an Ecstasy conspiracy case. They said I was the ringleader of a criminal organisation.”
“Did you not think about other people’s welfare?”
“At the time, we all thought our welfare was best addressed by doing club drugs. I had more money than common sense, so I paid for everyone to party.”
“How is your brain not mashed completely?”
“Well, I am a little out there, aren’t I?”
“Perhaps.”
“So now you know what I did, will it become an issue?”
“No, not at the moment.”
“Last time I blogged you, Sue commented, ‘Don’t let some girl come into your life and mess up all you’ve done at this point.’”
“I completely agree with Sue. But I’m not about to mess up anything in your life. I’ve got enough of my own stuff to get on with. I’m happy that you are doing what you are doing, and I want you to do well.”
“You are rather career focussed, and that’s something I like about you. Someone commented, ‘So glad to read you are dating someone who is not a psycho.’”
“I’m very minor in the psycho-chick department. But I think you’re turned on by psycho chicks. I don’t think I’m going to live up to your expectations.”
“I’m mellower these days.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
“Jenny Dreadful commented that I may be vulnerable to the charms of unscrupulous ladies.”
“I think you could be vulnerable, but you come across not as vulnerable.”
“Damn! I’ve been working hard on trying to come across as vulnerable to you.”
“Have you? It’s not working. I would like to add that I’ve not tried to pester you too much in a way because if you do want to see me or whatever, you know where I am.”
“You kind of put me on hold last Monday, and I thought you were politely getting rid of me. What happened?”
“No, I wasn’t getting rid of you at all. I think I did it for your benefit more than anything, because I felt you needed time to think about what you wanted. I just wanted to give you the space to do that, but it didn’t really work out, did it?”
“It did not. I missed the communication.”
“Me too. I felt like I was being a bit stupid telling you that.”
“Putting me on hold?”
“Yes, because I thought we could still go out, and I’d give you the option to think about things at the same time.”
“Prior to you putting me on hold, you said your mum had accused you of taking advantage of me. What was that about?”
“Mum said that basically because, when you first got out of prison, I’m like the first woman who’s shown some interest, and apparently you just responded to that. And I suppose that was my concern as well when we put things on hold.”
“We!”
“I.”
“So you were being sensible then?”
“It’s not just about being sensible. I needed to figure things out for myself as well.”
“What did you figure out?”
“I don’t think my opinion changed at all.”
“Opinion?”
“My opinion was –“
“Was!”
“Is! My opinion is – actually other people’s opinions got me thinking about the prison thing.”
“Oh, so now the truth comes out! Other people were influencing you. And you decided what?”
“What other people said didn’t have much of an impact on how I was feeling anyway.”
“Feeling?”
“I was feeling you were a bit of a distraction.”
“In a good way?”
“Yes.”
“You met Hammy the other week.”
“Yes.”
“Now that he knows you better he says you’re a cracker and a good influence on me; however, his initial reaction to you wasn’t so good: he said you were a bunny boiler and a banana skin.”
“I understand the bunny-boiler stuff – ”
“A potential Fatal Attraction.”
“But what does a banana skin mean?”
“Something I’d slip up on in the future.”
“I was completely shocked when he said about the bunny-boiler stuff. I don’t think I’m that at all.”
“What do you think of Hammy?”
“I think he’s funny. I think he has a sweet side. Maybe his comedy act is trying to cover up his sofness.”
“On a more serious note: what does Posh Bird want from life?”
“Don’t ask me that. That’s my answer.”


My heart is urging me on, but I’m wondering whether things with Posh Bird are developing too fast? I'm also wondering how women feel about dating ex-prisoners?


Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below

Copyright © 2007-2008 Shaun P. Attwood