25 June 07

What Max Did For The Booty Bandit Buyer Of Semen

“I thought,” I said, “I was aware of the most depraved things the booty bandits get up to in here, but this just blows my mind. How did you hook up with this person?”
“My buddy,” Max said, “told me about him and the jizz. And I said, ‘What? Are you serious? What does he do with the jizz?’ And after my buddy told me what the guy does with the jizz, I asked him, ‘Well, how much does he pay?’ He said, ‘It depends, dude, on your look factor, age, and shit.’ I figure, I’m young, I’m not bad lookin’, maybe I can get somethin’ from the motherfucker. I needed the money at the time.”
“How much did you charge?”
“A forty-dollar sack of store.”
“For how much jizz?”
“I dunno, a coupla’ teaspoons, I guess.”
“How often did you provide jizz?”
“Every week and a half or so. Whenever my store ran out. I only did it five or six times.”
“How did you get the jizz to him?”
“In a baggie. He told me to put it in a little baggie. And the crazy thing is, if you’ve ever studied your own jizz, it stays solid for a while, it has a gelatine-like consistency, but after it’s been in the open air in a warm environment it turns runny. You know what I’m talkin’ about.”
“Not really. I’ve gone my whole life without ever having jizz lying around the house. But I’ll take your word for it. So you delivered it in a baggie?”
“Yeah, I’d walk across the pod with the warm jizz in a baggie in my hand with all eyes on me. I was tryin’ to keep it a secret, so the dude would keep buyin’ me store. What could I have said if someone had stopped me and asked what I was doin? How do you say to someone, ‘I sold my nut, dude, to an old perv who uses it as lotion or does whatever the fuck with it. Maybe it’s an age revitalizer’. ”
“Did he demand a certain consistency or freshness?”
“Yes. He did want it as fresh as possible.”
“Was your conscience plagued by the uncertain fate of millions of your potential babies?”
“It wasn’t on my conscience. It’s not like it was genocide, dude. The way I figured it, my boys were takin’ one for the team.”
“So there were no qualms when you jerked it out.”
“No.”
“What were you thinking during the manual labour?”
“I got a Fox magazine. He didn’t say, ‘Hey, you’ve gotta think about me when you jack off.’ If he’d said that shit, I’da never gotten off, dude.”
“How do you feel about it now?”
“You’ll compromise a lotta morals to survive in prison. I imagine a lotta people woulda done the same in my situation: needin’ soap, shampoo and food. Forty-dollars worth of store is a lifesaver sometimes.”

How many of you, if in Max’s situation would be willing to sell your secretions?

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