03 July 07

Odds & Ends

A Lakota Sioux Indian of the Teton-wan tribe was found hung in his cell. At first it was thought he had committed suicide, but now a murder investigation is underway. Five suspects, including Repo, were moved to the hole.

Xena was diagnosed with – shock of shocks – gender identity disorder. He is cellbound and on painkillers due to an enlarged prostrate. He has been scheduled for a biopsy.

Weird Al went to St. Mary’s hospital to get the polyps in his rectum removed. He awoke mid-operation to hear the doctor cracking a joke to a female nurse about Al’s behind. Al interjected some sarcasm and was promptly put under again.

Thanks to our friends at www.lostvault.com (including Don) Frankie has found some romance by way of Cuban Boy, who wrote to me: “I cannot fool myself or Frankie to blurt it out that I love him…I want to spend some quality time with him, and see how it goes…It might be possible that he has plans in store for me, and as I can tell by his letters to me, he has some fucking dirty things on his mind.” He also wrote: “Frankie is doing well under the circumstances. His neighbour is a gay guy, so what more can he wish for.”

The hot weather is adding new dimensions of torture to my workouts with Iron Man, who has a penchant bordering on homicidal for the phrase, "Embrace the pain." He has us doing sprints in the evening, and my heart beats so fast it's hard to get to sleep afterwards. Iron Man insisted I drink powdered milk to help gain weight.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio appeared on CNN offering Paris Hilton a cell at his jail. CNN terminated the interview when Arpaio began to boast about the pittance it costs the taxpayers to feed his inmates. What Arpaio didn't boast about was the millions he is costing the taxpayers due to all of the lawsuits he has generated. Nor did he boast about how the lawsuits are farmed out to his attorney friends, who bill the taxpayers outrageous sums. Nor did he mention the kickbacks he receives from them– including political contributions.

The library was closed because hooch was discovered brewing in there.

I’ve been receiving visits from an inmate who states he likes to hold his urine in for as long as possible - until it hurts. He then basks in relief when he finally lets it go. He keeps insisting I give it a try. I haven’t done so.



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