08 May 05

Prison Lingo

Jarod in San Francisco has asked me to translate a passage from the Bible into prison lingo. So, as I enjoy the clash between David and Goliath, I have chosen 1 Samuel 17 (45-50).

1 Samuel 17

45 Then David said to the Philistines, “ You come to me with a sword, with a spear and with a javelin. But I come to you in the name of the Lord of the hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied.”
46 “This day the Lord will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you and take your head from you…”
47 “Then all this assembly shall know that the Lord does not save with sword and spear; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give you into our hands.”
48 So it was, when the Philistine arose and drew near to meet David, that David hurried and ran toward the army to meet the Philistine.
49 Then David put his hand into his bag and took out a stone; and he slung it and struck the Philistine in his forehead, so that the stone sank into his forehead, and he fell on his face to the earth.
50 So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone, and struck the Philistine and killed him. But there was no sword in the hand of David.

1 Sammy 17

45 David called out the dude who looked like he could crank a whole lotta iron on the weight pile, “It’s lookin’ like you’re strapped with a shank and a shiv, but I’m not stressin’ cos the Big Homey Upstairs has got my back.”
46 “Punk Philistine, today your ass is out.”
47 “Bitch, all the homies on the rec field are gunna see that you’re a take-it- in-the-ass sissy boy.”
48 The puffed up Philistine moved on David, and David was squared up to handle business.
49 David broke out with his own shit; the Philistine was smashed in the head with a battery, and fell tits down on the rec field.
50 Without a shank, David had taken the Philistine out with a battery in a sock.

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