06 Jan 07

Jim Hogg is a Surfer Dude

“So you and Two Tonys were cellies?” I asked.
“I lived with him for eighteen months,” Jim Hogg said. “He’s the most interesting person I’ve ever met inside. He became like a father to me. He has so much love for me. He always looked out for me.”
“He looked out for me too. How long have you been down?”
“Eleven years, two months, and one week. I go home soon.”
“What are you in for?”
“Trafficking in stolen property. I bought a quarter-million dollars of diamonds for fifty gees at the Tucson Gem Show. I knew they were stolen, and I got caught selling some of them, but I’ve still got sixty-four left.”
“How can you still have some of the stolen property?”
“The prosecutor said I can keep 'em 'cause I’m doin’ time for 'em. The insurance company paid the victim. I’ve got ten two-and-a-half carats, seventeen marquis cuts - one carat, ten halves, the rest are all baguettes.”
“Two Tonys said you’re a surfer.”
“Yeah. I’ve surfed all my life. I’m from Huntington Beach. I lived at Huntington Harbor. I went to the local high school. I started surfing at age twelve. By fourteen, I was in the NSSA. At eighteen, I was doing the professional circuit. And then I moved to Hawaii. I lived in Waikiki, Honolulu on Oahu Island, and Kaanapali Shores on Maui. I surfed on the north shore of Oahu. I came in second place in ’84 in the OP Pro, an Ocean Pacific surf contest.”
“Do surfers have their own language?”
“Yeah. A dude who’s a goofball is called a Barney. If a wave is narly, it’s huge. A hot chick – I might say, ‘Dude, she’s so nectar I want to sauce her.’ ‘Shoots brodda’ is like ‘Hey brother.’ ‘Shoots brodda, you like beef or you like scrap?’ is calling someone out. If I say, ‘You fuckin’ haulie, you come to the Islands and you think you’re da kindbra,’ I’m telling a white person from the Inland, how come he thinks he’s the shit. If you’re a Kamehameha, you’ve been accepted by the locals. Boutu is ice, speed, or meth amphetamine. Pakalolo is weed. And there's Maui wowie, kono gold, or puna bud. Coke smoked like rock is called the shuttle. It’s not all about smoking weed and surfing though.”
“What is it about? What do you enjoy most about it?”
“It’s the only sport in the world that’s free, and every wave is different in the challenge against Mother Nature 'cause every day she brings different waves. There’s two times during the day most exciting to me for surfing: dawn patrol and glass off (night)."
“Where have you surfed?”
“Bali. Jeffrey’s Bay in South Africa, the longest break in the world, where it juts out above Cape Town. Up and down all of Baja, California and Mexico: K38, K55, San Felipe, Todos Santos, La Fonda, La Paz, Cabo San Lucas – which is the point of Scorpion Bay, the only place in the world where you can’t use surf wax 'cause the water’s so warm it melts the wax right off the board, so you have to use Gorilla Grip, it’s like neoprene.”
“Where in Cali is best for surfing?”
“Newport or Huntington.”
“Not Venice Beach?”
“No. It’s too walled in. There’s no point breaks. The three spots in Huntington are Lake Street, The Pier, or Golden West (The Bluffs).”
“What do you think of Point Break with Patrick Swayze?”
“Way to go Hollywood! There’s no way you can surf those waves on a six by seven board. You’d need a nine-foot gun with tapers in the back, specially made with three fins called a thruster. Four fins are a quad. There’s no way you can get out to the breakwater in-between the bluff 'cause you can’t swim over the soup, the whitewash, and you definitely can’t duck dive under the whitewash 'cause it’ll pin you down to the rock and you’ll drown.”
“You get out in three weeks. Will you be coming back?”
“I’m not coming back.”
“Where will you live and what will you do?”
“I’m going to open up a Maryland crabhouse called Fin & Claw in Tucson.”
“Using the money from diamond sales?”
“No, I inherited a crabhouse back East, in Maryland, called Captain Billy’s. I’m selling it, and opening up in Tucson.”
“Good luck with that, Jim Hogg.”


Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below

Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood