20 July 06

Jealous George

“I got to hug and kiss a young woman at visitation, George,” I said.
“But governor, governor, what about me?” George said. “Have you traded me in for a little floozy?”
“She is in no way, shape or form a floozy. She’s an intellectual force to be reckoned with.”
“Then let her come and do your fuckin’ laundry, tidy up your room, wipe your royal arse, and count your scrotal moles!”
“What’s that got to do with anything? Aren’t you happy that I’ve had some female company?”
“You’ve got female company: Xena and Mochalicious! What’s wrong with them?”
“There’s nothing wrong with them except the fact that they have penises.”
“But neither of them want their penises, so, it’s like not having one.”
“It’s not the same, George.”
“So that’s why you spent thirty minutes in the shower when you came back from visitation!”
“Actually, I didn’t shower until the next day.”
“Then during lockdown you whacked your tallywacker. I bet you went to town on it, you little perv.”
“It wasn’t about that.”
“Puh-leeze! I bet you got a boner out their.”
“I must admit when she leaned towards the vending machine, I couldn’t help but admire – .”
“Huh! That musta pumped up your Prince Harry. What would the Queen Mum think if she knew you were running around visitation with a trouser tent pitched? She’d cut off your monthly stipend and British Consulate privileges.”
“The visit wasn’t about sex, George. Royo Girl is really intelligent, and wonderful to talk to.”
“If she’s such a good conversationalist, why were you gawking at her ass?”
“’Cause I’m only human, and she’s an attractive woman.”
“You make me sick! What kind of a woman likes pale, bald-headed, persnickety Englishmen?”
“I’m hurt, George. I thought you’d be happy for me, but instead you’re trying to put my good day down.”
“I wish you all the happiness in the world, but I don’t wanna be hearing about her all the time, or to find you staring into space, daydreaming about her ass, getting boners, pitching trouser tents.”
“I’ll try not to. It’s hard not thinking about her though. I certainly won’t bring her up around you again.”
"All kidding aside, I’m happy for you. It’s nice a person visited you who floats your boat. I would never stand in the way of the governor’s happiness.”

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Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood