08 May 06

Frankie’s Chess Challenge (Part 2)

“Well George, you read the reader responses to Frankie’s chess challenge, and they quite rightly pointed out that I shouldn’t do the bet because there’s nothing in it for me. I have no desire to see Frankie’s arse.”
“Fuck the readers!” George said. “ Its an honour thing. A commitment is a commitment.”
“I didn’t commit,” I said. “I told him I’d think about it. A good idea would be if he would agree to let you do my butt-naked pushups if I lost.”
Frankie entered the cell.
“How come,” I asked Frankie, “you haven’t been over to play chess in a few weeks?”
“’Cause you copped outta the butt-nakeds,” Frankie said.
“He’s put you on shine status,” George said.
“How can I do this if all I win is seeing your arse?”
“Maybe I’ve gotta good ass,” Frankie said. “And I’ve read your readers' comments. They make me sound like I’m a mean guy. I’m not a mean guy”
“Wait a minute,” George said to Frankie. “You are mean. You’re mean to me. Very mean.”
“No I’m not,” Frankie said.
“Do I need to remind you?” George said.
“What about the bet?” I asked.
“When in Rome, do as the Romans do,” George said.
“And,” Frankie said, “you know I’m Caesar the Booty Pleaser. I’ll be gentle on you, Englandman.”
“Actually, Frankie,” I said, “George has agreed to do my pushups for me if I lose.”
“Then it’s gotta be more,” Frankie said.
“How many butt-naked pushups did you guys agree on?” George said.
“Ten,” I said.
“I want twice that amount,” Frankie said.
“Twenty?” I asked.
“No,” Frankie said. “I want more than pushups. They are eliminated if George stands in. I want some real action, you know what I mean, George?”
“No!” George said. “All I’ll do are his pushups at a dollar a time.”
“But what if I win?” I said.
“You get to watch him,” George said.
“What fun is that?” I said.
“Trust me,” Frankie said. “I’m a virgin.”
“I don’t see a virgin,” George said.
“If I put in a medical slip for an ass exam, it would come back rectus titus, but your ass, George, is big enough for a Greyhound bus to pass through it. And if Jon loses, well, you’ll see what a nice guy I can be.”
“Greyhound bus! I’m insulted you should say things like that about me,” George said. “There’s no talking to you. And as for you, Jon, you’re gonna hafta do your own fuckin’ butt-naked
pushups.” With that George stormed off.

What have I got into?

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