11 Jan 05
Question Time
A lot of readers have asked about chow. Deanna asked if being a vegetarian was sufficient grounds to receive veggie chow. There are two methods of obtaining special diets that I am aware of: the first is for religious reasons, and must be approved by the chaplain; the second is for medical reasons, and must be approved by the Health Unit. Vegetarianism itself does not qualify an inmate for a special diet. My advice to anyone who becomes detained is to provide a vegetarian religious preference when you are initially booked. This will avoid problems getting your diet later on. The inmates say the best diet is the Jewish one. There have been lots of conversions. You even have Aryan Brotherhood Jews, Mexican Mafia Jews, and Italian Mafia Jews such as Junior Bull.
Tolstoy wrote: "A vegetarian diet is the acid test of humanitarianism."
Another question about chow was posed by Jonathan: how much does the diet affect the health, outlook and behaviour of my fellow inmates and myself? Tying in with Jonathan’s question, an anonymous e-mailer asked whether I thought veggie diets would dampen aggression and reduce smashings. (see ‘Sweat, suicide and death’ 13/0704) Hunger does cause fights. At the Madison Street jail men scavenged and fought over mouldy bread and rotten fruit (see blog ‘April Fools Day’ 04/04/04) their behaviour was the result of the lack of food provided. Some inmates would gang up on other inmates possessing store, and extort them into giving up some food. Fights were sometimes orchestrated under false pretences, so that inmates could steal a target person’s store items.
I am not sure if serving all veggie meals would dampen aggression. Perhaps Scott Clouder at the Vegetarian Society could help answer that. I can only speak about my own experience, that yoga and vegetarianism have changed my outlook on life.
Mr. Greg asked if I would be so kind as to arrange a bare-knuckle fight between him and Barbarian. Gladly, Mr. Greg, I was thinking of a Las Vegas venue – MGM Grand perhaps? I can offer you a package deal, fighting Barbarian, and also Frankie. Frankie wanted me to tell you that he is not only a chess champion, but also a boxing champion. You may want to bring a shank with you, because Frankie, referring to his sexual organ as his weapon of choice, wants a "sword" fight. He’s demanding the usual prize: taking you from behind.
Some of you have been complimentary about my writing, but I also want you to know that I am open to receiving guidance and constructive criticism. Writing is new to me and I am sure that I am inadvertently making plenty of mistakes.
Some of you have asked about what I am reading. Recently read: Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes, The Confessions by Jean-Jacques Rousseau, Maxims and Reflections by Francois Duc de La RocheFoucauld, and George Orwell and the Origins of 1984 by William Steinhoff. On the lighter side, I read Homer’s Iliad and have just finished Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes, which is the most enjoyable work of fiction that I have ever read. It displaces Orwell’s Animal Farm as my favourite fiction book. I am half way through Marcel Proust’s Remembrance of things Past and am in awe of his literary skills. Last month I read Gustav Herling’s A World Apart. His account of life as a political prisoner in Russia during World War II makes my stay here seem like a holiday. All of the aforementioned books are well worth a read. I’d like to thank all of you who have sent books. Cheers! Jon.
Jon’s address:
Shaun Attwood ADC#187160,
ASPC-Lewis, Morey 2-D-2,
P.O. Box 3300, Buckeye,
AZ 85326, USA
Send comments to writeinside@hotmail.com
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Tuesday, January 25, 2005
9 Jan 05
Odds & Ends
George is the homosexual who requested I read him some Harry Potter. For a couple of dollars a week he does house cleaning. Gravano and a couple of others recommended him, so I've hired him. He now calls me "governor" and sings "Rule Brittania" to me. He scrubs the toilet, sink and floor. He washes and folds laundry. He’s chuffed with me for giving him my Christmas dinner. George is also a masseur but I have been warned to sit on a stool and to watch his wandering hands if I get a back massage off him.
Duke (see Duke 29/04/04) resides across the day room in cell 12. He remembered me from his sentencing hearing. He was shot in the head during the Vietnam War and he has been in touch with a veterans organisation who are helping him seek a sentence reduction.
My stint in the kitchen was short lived. Because my anxiety went up, the psychotherapist took me off the job. Now, I may have to take meds.
Thank you for all of the Christmas cards, which I am still receiving. Inmate banking erroneously double billed my account $66.05, wiping out my balance, so, I have been without postage stamps for the past two weeks. My parents deposited some funds, so I now have stamps and everyone that mailed Christmas cards should soon receive thank you's.
Send comments to writeinside@hotmail.com
Jon's mailing address is: Shaun Attwood ADC#187160
ASPC-Lewis,Morey 2-D-2, P.O. Box 3300, Buckeye, AZ 85326, USA
Odds & Ends
George is the homosexual who requested I read him some Harry Potter. For a couple of dollars a week he does house cleaning. Gravano and a couple of others recommended him, so I've hired him. He now calls me "governor" and sings "Rule Brittania" to me. He scrubs the toilet, sink and floor. He washes and folds laundry. He’s chuffed with me for giving him my Christmas dinner. George is also a masseur but I have been warned to sit on a stool and to watch his wandering hands if I get a back massage off him.
Duke (see Duke 29/04/04) resides across the day room in cell 12. He remembered me from his sentencing hearing. He was shot in the head during the Vietnam War and he has been in touch with a veterans organisation who are helping him seek a sentence reduction.
My stint in the kitchen was short lived. Because my anxiety went up, the psychotherapist took me off the job. Now, I may have to take meds.
Thank you for all of the Christmas cards, which I am still receiving. Inmate banking erroneously double billed my account $66.05, wiping out my balance, so, I have been without postage stamps for the past two weeks. My parents deposited some funds, so I now have stamps and everyone that mailed Christmas cards should soon receive thank you's.
Send comments to writeinside@hotmail.com
Jon's mailing address is: Shaun Attwood ADC#187160
ASPC-Lewis,Morey 2-D-2, P.O. Box 3300, Buckeye, AZ 85326, USA
Sunday, January 16, 2005
3 Jan 05
Recreation – headstand nearly banned
I get two hours of recreation each day. The rec schedule runs for two weeks and starts over again. Here are the starting times:
Week 1 Week 2
Sunday 4.30 pm 8.45 am
Monday 6.30 am 4.30 pm
Tuesday 1.00 pm 6.30 am
Wednesday 8.15 am 1.00 pm
Thursday 4.30 pm 8.45 am
Friday 1.00 pm 6.30 am
Saturday 6.30 am 1.00 pm
One-hundred inmates are allowed to go to the rec field together – in our case Building 2, pods C and D – but out of the one hundred, only about one third of them actually attend, and that fraction is much smaller for the 6.30 am rec. I’ve been going to rec two or three times a week, usually when it is offered in the afternoon or the late morning.
The rec area consists of a large field surrounded by a running track. Chain-link fencing and razor wire protect the perimeter. Overlooking the rec field is the gun tower – it was recently featured on the news after two inmates seized control and held a male and female guard hostage. The female was repeatedly raped. Looking at the tower you can usually see a guard toting an AR15 assault rifle or a pump-action shotgun. The rec field contains two basketball courts, a volleyball court, workout stations for isometric exercises, and six picnic tables. Three of the picnic tables have covers that enable inmates to chat or play chess in the shade. There are also eight charge-per-call telephones, a urinal and a drinking fountain. I am told that the average price of a fifteen-minute collect call to Phoenix is three dollars.
Most of the inmates at rec participate in team sports or mob around the picnic tables. I usually find a secluded area of grass where I can perform yoga.
During the last rec session, I had my first run-in with a guard. While doing a headstand, I heard a female voice yell from the gun tower, “Stop doing headstands!” I was wondering whether she was serious or not, when she repeated, “Stop doing headstands or else I’ll throw you off the field!” The inmates bacame upset and one shouted, “Are you gonna ban push-ups next?”
At the opposite end of the rec field stood the Assistant Deputy Warden, known as the ADW. She is second in command of this unit. My Buddhist friend Gizmo told the ADW that the guard who had stopped my headstand had violated my freedom of religious expression. A guard, Officer Noah, verified that my religious preference was Hinduism and the ADW gave me permission to keep doing headstands. The female guard was instructed not to stop me again.
Send comments to writeinside@hotmail.com
Recreation – headstand nearly banned
I get two hours of recreation each day. The rec schedule runs for two weeks and starts over again. Here are the starting times:
Week 1 Week 2
Sunday 4.30 pm 8.45 am
Monday 6.30 am 4.30 pm
Tuesday 1.00 pm 6.30 am
Wednesday 8.15 am 1.00 pm
Thursday 4.30 pm 8.45 am
Friday 1.00 pm 6.30 am
Saturday 6.30 am 1.00 pm
One-hundred inmates are allowed to go to the rec field together – in our case Building 2, pods C and D – but out of the one hundred, only about one third of them actually attend, and that fraction is much smaller for the 6.30 am rec. I’ve been going to rec two or three times a week, usually when it is offered in the afternoon or the late morning.
The rec area consists of a large field surrounded by a running track. Chain-link fencing and razor wire protect the perimeter. Overlooking the rec field is the gun tower – it was recently featured on the news after two inmates seized control and held a male and female guard hostage. The female was repeatedly raped. Looking at the tower you can usually see a guard toting an AR15 assault rifle or a pump-action shotgun. The rec field contains two basketball courts, a volleyball court, workout stations for isometric exercises, and six picnic tables. Three of the picnic tables have covers that enable inmates to chat or play chess in the shade. There are also eight charge-per-call telephones, a urinal and a drinking fountain. I am told that the average price of a fifteen-minute collect call to Phoenix is three dollars.
Most of the inmates at rec participate in team sports or mob around the picnic tables. I usually find a secluded area of grass where I can perform yoga.
During the last rec session, I had my first run-in with a guard. While doing a headstand, I heard a female voice yell from the gun tower, “Stop doing headstands!” I was wondering whether she was serious or not, when she repeated, “Stop doing headstands or else I’ll throw you off the field!” The inmates bacame upset and one shouted, “Are you gonna ban push-ups next?”
At the opposite end of the rec field stood the Assistant Deputy Warden, known as the ADW. She is second in command of this unit. My Buddhist friend Gizmo told the ADW that the guard who had stopped my headstand had violated my freedom of religious expression. A guard, Officer Noah, verified that my religious preference was Hinduism and the ADW gave me permission to keep doing headstands. The female guard was instructed not to stop me again.
Send comments to writeinside@hotmail.com
WakeUp - Inmate Newsletter sent the following:
Thank you for sending Jon's most recent blog to us. I will include the “Farewell Mum and Dad” article in our next WakeUp newsletter. I expect it will touch the hearts of many inmates and assist them in turning around their lives as Jon will do. We thought we had enough money to publish the newsletter in mid February but didn’t expect having to pay about $600 in taxes. A lot of money for a non profit organization that is always low on funds wouldn’t you say. Now we have to raise that money again. Do you know of any person or organization who may be interested in contributing? We will publish as soon as we have the funds after mid February.
I appreciate Jon’s talents and am grateful for your sharing his writings with us.
Carill Ina Nicoll
AzCEG Executive Director, Arizona Coalition for Effective Government, VM - 602.234.9004
www.azceg.org
Thank you for sending Jon's most recent blog to us. I will include the “Farewell Mum and Dad” article in our next WakeUp newsletter. I expect it will touch the hearts of many inmates and assist them in turning around their lives as Jon will do. We thought we had enough money to publish the newsletter in mid February but didn’t expect having to pay about $600 in taxes. A lot of money for a non profit organization that is always low on funds wouldn’t you say. Now we have to raise that money again. Do you know of any person or organization who may be interested in contributing? We will publish as soon as we have the funds after mid February.
I appreciate Jon’s talents and am grateful for your sharing his writings with us.
Carill Ina Nicoll
AzCEG Executive Director, Arizona Coalition for Effective Government, VM - 602.234.9004
www.azceg.org
Thursday, January 13, 2005
2 Jan 05
Farewell Mum & Dad
It is 3.09 pm, fifteen minutes after the final visit with my parents. My angst began when I gave them goodbye hugs. During the final minutes with my parents, I felt miserable for breaking their hearts by putting myself behind bars; I felt guilty seeing my mother weep as she departed the visitation room; I felt ashamed for failing those who raised me and stood by me no matter what I have done: I considered myself blessed for having their support when so many of my neighbours receive no help from beyond the prison walls.I was most conscience-stricken by my mother’s tearful eyes; an unproud image now permanently carved into my subconscious. My father put on a brave face by bantering and jesting, but his body language betrayed his vocal masquerade; his smile was surrounded by quivering facial expressions, and those windows of truth, his eyes, shone with unconcealable sadness.It is stomach-turning to realise that my parents, my pillars of strength and support, are victims of my wrongdoing. If I could have shielded them from this hurt I would have moved mountains to do so.This year I shall try harder to make amends and to outdo all of my previous accomplishments. By channelling my passion and energy relentlessly from my cell, I hope to repel the lingering tempest troubling my heart. Years of bondage cannot contain the enormity of my love-inspired drive that knows no fetters or chains. I am hopeful that my achievements thus far are a mere fraction of what’s in store, and that my parents will be proud of their prodigal son’s turnaround.
Send comments to writeinside@hotmail.com
Farewell Mum & Dad
It is 3.09 pm, fifteen minutes after the final visit with my parents. My angst began when I gave them goodbye hugs. During the final minutes with my parents, I felt miserable for breaking their hearts by putting myself behind bars; I felt guilty seeing my mother weep as she departed the visitation room; I felt ashamed for failing those who raised me and stood by me no matter what I have done: I considered myself blessed for having their support when so many of my neighbours receive no help from beyond the prison walls.I was most conscience-stricken by my mother’s tearful eyes; an unproud image now permanently carved into my subconscious. My father put on a brave face by bantering and jesting, but his body language betrayed his vocal masquerade; his smile was surrounded by quivering facial expressions, and those windows of truth, his eyes, shone with unconcealable sadness.It is stomach-turning to realise that my parents, my pillars of strength and support, are victims of my wrongdoing. If I could have shielded them from this hurt I would have moved mountains to do so.This year I shall try harder to make amends and to outdo all of my previous accomplishments. By channelling my passion and energy relentlessly from my cell, I hope to repel the lingering tempest troubling my heart. Years of bondage cannot contain the enormity of my love-inspired drive that knows no fetters or chains. I am hopeful that my achievements thus far are a mere fraction of what’s in store, and that my parents will be proud of their prodigal son’s turnaround.
Send comments to writeinside@hotmail.com
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
New Years Day
Interview with a Murderer
It’s New Years Day and the world is hung over. Today seems like a good day to interview an inmate convicted of murder.
J How old are you Brian?
B Thirty-four
J How old were you when you were arrested?
B Nineteen. I can remember bein' on the bus goin' to prison. I was cryin' and some old-timer told me not to worry because I’d be lookin’ back on this day and thinkin’ it was all just a bad dream.
J You killed someone?
B Yeah.
J How?
B I shot him.
J Why?
B He was gonna stab my friend.
J Can you explain what happened?
B We were at a club called , and my friend – a big Mexican dude – got into an argument with a guy who he’d bought an ounce of crystal from. My friend was showin’ off in front of a bunch of women, and he hit the dude. The dude acted all cool at first, he backed off and said that everything was okay. Then he returned with a huge, buck knife and went for my friend, so I shot him.
J Were you drunk or on drugs?
B I was buzzed from drinkin’ a fifth of Jack Daniels. I wasn’t on drugs.
J What happened next?
B It was like...a…lucky shot. I used a .357 Magnum. A .357 Magnum makes a hole the size of a grapefruit if it hits someone. (Brian makes a fist.)
J What did you think when you looked at him and saw him dead with a massive head wound?
B I told myself that I had really fucked up. I regretted it immediately.
J How does it feel to kill a man?
B I had nightmares for months.
J In your dreams could you see him, his dead body, the hole in his head?
B As well as the nightmares, I couldn’t stop thinking about it for months. I replayed it over and over again.
J Are you still having nightmares?
B No.
J So you shot him in the club?
B Yeah.
J In front of how many witnesses?
B Maybe forty.
J You killed someone in front of forty witnesses, in the State of Arizona and you didn’t get the death penalty, how come?
B I come from a good family. I was in college. I played football. The victim was a biker – a member of the Hell's Angels. He was a known drug dealer and always in trouble. He even had a one-hundred-thousand-dollar contract out on him. The police didn’t care too much about his death.
J How’d you know about the contract?
B My attorney told me. The prosecutor wanted to know if I’d killed him to collect the contract money.
J How much time did you get?
B Fifteen years.
J When do you get out?
B January.
J What’s the first thing that you want to do when you get out?
B Go to church.
J What else?
B Put flowers on the victim’s grave.
J Most inmates, when asked that question, say they want to get laid. Is sex a priority?
B No. I’ve been gettin' laid.
J In here?
B Yeah.
J With men or women?
B Women. Whiteshirts.
J What’s a whiteshirt?
B Kitchen workers who are contracted from outside.
J How many whiteshirts have you had sex with?
B Three.
J You had sex with them in the kitchen?
B In the freezer actually.
(We laugh)
J What does serving fifteen years feel like?
B Like a rollercoaster. Ups and downs. Its hardest around Christmas time and other holidays because that’s when I miss my family the most.
J Are you in a relationship with a woman?
B Nah. I learnt that relationships make your time harder on you. It’s best to be friends.
J Does killing a man make you view yourself differently?
B Yeah. I feel guilty because of what I did.
J I see. Can you describe what it feels like to be known as a convicted killer?
B Imagine the worst crime or thing that you ever done to a person in your entire life. How does that make you feel? Now imagine if everyone knew what you’d done. How would that make you feel? That’s what I have to live with every day of my life.
J What are you plans for when you get out?
B I’m gonna attend a culinary course.
J And then what?
B I’d like to get a job as a chef…ideally on a cruise ship or for a hotel company. I want to see the world, especially Greece, France and England. Some of the best chefs in the world are French.
J That’s a good plan. No more sex in freezers though!
(We laugh)
J Thanks for the interview. Good luck out there.
B I’ll be alright.
(We shake hands)
Send comments to writeinside@hotmailcom
Interview with a Murderer
It’s New Years Day and the world is hung over. Today seems like a good day to interview an inmate convicted of murder.
J How old are you Brian?
B Thirty-four
J How old were you when you were arrested?
B Nineteen. I can remember bein' on the bus goin' to prison. I was cryin' and some old-timer told me not to worry because I’d be lookin’ back on this day and thinkin’ it was all just a bad dream.
J You killed someone?
B Yeah.
J How?
B I shot him.
J Why?
B He was gonna stab my friend.
J Can you explain what happened?
B We were at a club called , and my friend – a big Mexican dude – got into an argument with a guy who he’d bought an ounce of crystal from. My friend was showin’ off in front of a bunch of women, and he hit the dude. The dude acted all cool at first, he backed off and said that everything was okay. Then he returned with a huge, buck knife and went for my friend, so I shot him.
J Were you drunk or on drugs?
B I was buzzed from drinkin’ a fifth of Jack Daniels. I wasn’t on drugs.
J What happened next?
B It was like...a…lucky shot. I used a .357 Magnum. A .357 Magnum makes a hole the size of a grapefruit if it hits someone. (Brian makes a fist.)
J What did you think when you looked at him and saw him dead with a massive head wound?
B I told myself that I had really fucked up. I regretted it immediately.
J How does it feel to kill a man?
B I had nightmares for months.
J In your dreams could you see him, his dead body, the hole in his head?
B As well as the nightmares, I couldn’t stop thinking about it for months. I replayed it over and over again.
J Are you still having nightmares?
B No.
J So you shot him in the club?
B Yeah.
J In front of how many witnesses?
B Maybe forty.
J You killed someone in front of forty witnesses, in the State of Arizona and you didn’t get the death penalty, how come?
B I come from a good family. I was in college. I played football. The victim was a biker – a member of the Hell's Angels. He was a known drug dealer and always in trouble. He even had a one-hundred-thousand-dollar contract out on him. The police didn’t care too much about his death.
J How’d you know about the contract?
B My attorney told me. The prosecutor wanted to know if I’d killed him to collect the contract money.
J How much time did you get?
B Fifteen years.
J When do you get out?
B January.
J What’s the first thing that you want to do when you get out?
B Go to church.
J What else?
B Put flowers on the victim’s grave.
J Most inmates, when asked that question, say they want to get laid. Is sex a priority?
B No. I’ve been gettin' laid.
J In here?
B Yeah.
J With men or women?
B Women. Whiteshirts.
J What’s a whiteshirt?
B Kitchen workers who are contracted from outside.
J How many whiteshirts have you had sex with?
B Three.
J You had sex with them in the kitchen?
B In the freezer actually.
(We laugh)
J What does serving fifteen years feel like?
B Like a rollercoaster. Ups and downs. Its hardest around Christmas time and other holidays because that’s when I miss my family the most.
J Are you in a relationship with a woman?
B Nah. I learnt that relationships make your time harder on you. It’s best to be friends.
J Does killing a man make you view yourself differently?
B Yeah. I feel guilty because of what I did.
J I see. Can you describe what it feels like to be known as a convicted killer?
B Imagine the worst crime or thing that you ever done to a person in your entire life. How does that make you feel? Now imagine if everyone knew what you’d done. How would that make you feel? That’s what I have to live with every day of my life.
J What are you plans for when you get out?
B I’m gonna attend a culinary course.
J And then what?
B I’d like to get a job as a chef…ideally on a cruise ship or for a hotel company. I want to see the world, especially Greece, France and England. Some of the best chefs in the world are French.
J That’s a good plan. No more sex in freezers though!
(We laugh)
J Thanks for the interview. Good luck out there.
B I’ll be alright.
(We shake hands)
Send comments to writeinside@hotmailcom
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
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