16 May 07
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Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
Monday, June 11, 2007
Thursday, June 7, 2007
14 May 07
Grit Goes Berserk and Gets Shot
Requiring Grit to attend a drug-infested halfway house in Sunnyslope does not appear to have helped him become a productive member of society.
The Arizona Republic reported Grit’s rampage:
Shoplifting suspect shot after stabbing 2 guards
A knife-wielding shoplifting suspect who stabbed two security guards was shot Friday noon by Phoenix police officers.
The shooting took place about 12.45 p.m. near the QuikTrip gasoline station and convenience store, 2850 W. Thunderbird Road in northwest Phoenix.
Police gave this account:
The suspect…was chased in a parking lot by two security guards at a Fry’s Electronics store after he stole unspecified merchandise.
The two guards were stabbed during a confrontation with the man.
The thief ran across Thunderbird Road and carjacked a van from a woman at a restaurant, then rammed a police patrol car driven by a Phoenix police sergeant.
[He] got out of the van and was confronted by two other police officers. He lunged at one of the officers with a knife and was shot in the shoulder by the other officer, police said.
After committing two stabbings, a carjacking, and attempting to stab a police officer, it’s likely that Grit will spend the rest of his life in prison. Or as Two Tonys put it: “Grit’s done, bro, put a fork in him.”
Is the system that forced Grit into the halfway house at fault or must Grit ultimately accept responsibility for his actions?
Iron Man talks about weightlifting in prison
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
Grit Goes Berserk and Gets Shot
Requiring Grit to attend a drug-infested halfway house in Sunnyslope does not appear to have helped him become a productive member of society.
The Arizona Republic reported Grit’s rampage:
Shoplifting suspect shot after stabbing 2 guards
A knife-wielding shoplifting suspect who stabbed two security guards was shot Friday noon by Phoenix police officers.
The shooting took place about 12.45 p.m. near the QuikTrip gasoline station and convenience store, 2850 W. Thunderbird Road in northwest Phoenix.
Police gave this account:
The suspect…was chased in a parking lot by two security guards at a Fry’s Electronics store after he stole unspecified merchandise.
The two guards were stabbed during a confrontation with the man.
The thief ran across Thunderbird Road and carjacked a van from a woman at a restaurant, then rammed a police patrol car driven by a Phoenix police sergeant.
[He] got out of the van and was confronted by two other police officers. He lunged at one of the officers with a knife and was shot in the shoulder by the other officer, police said.
After committing two stabbings, a carjacking, and attempting to stab a police officer, it’s likely that Grit will spend the rest of his life in prison. Or as Two Tonys put it: “Grit’s done, bro, put a fork in him.”
Is the system that forced Grit into the halfway house at fault or must Grit ultimately accept responsibility for his actions?
Iron Man talks about weightlifting in prison
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
Friday, June 1, 2007
11 May 07
Six Months To Go
A number of people have asked for my thoughts and feelings now that I have six months left to serve at Tucson prison.
For the past five years I've been conditioned to try to make the most of each day and to deal with challenges as they arise. I became more forward focussed when this year began, and now I’m increasingly wondering what my life will be like when I’m free. Thoughts of freedom mostly make me happy. Regarding my worries, I tell myself that prison has given me a skill set with which I can overcome whatever obstacles present themselves.
I’m chiefly concerned about not being a burden to my parents. Living in their garage, I expect I’ll be a financial burden. I tell myself that I’m a natural money maker – but there’s always nagging doubts that arise between my delusions of grandeur.
Then there are the effects of my behaviour on my parents’ mental health. My sister recently sent me some printouts of my Mum’s blog. Reading them made me feel ill – and deservedly so – as I was reminded how the negative effects of my behaviour continue to affect Mum’s life. Since my arrest, she has been on and off psychiatric medication and she is now in therapy. Recently she sent me a letter in which she disclosed she’d had some nightmares about me with drugged-up eyes. That really socked me in the gut. I wrote back saying that incarceration has knocked some common sense into me. It has matured me, and focussed my mind on a new life path that I won’t throw away by behaving idiotically. I’m driven to do well for their sakes and my own.
So what do I do for fun when I get out? Reading and writing are fun. Creativity and accomplishment are fun. Spending time with family and friends is fun. Dropping Es with friends and raving in the 90s was fun but I’ve grown out of that – finally. I’m too old now. And that doesn’t mean that I’m no longer in touch with my inner child. I’ll always have a mischievous side. Raves enabled me and my friends to rebel against society like the flower children of the sixties. I believe a more productive and mature way to express my rebellious nature is through writing. Exposing injustice, giving voices to the marginalized, developing and sharing a philosophy: these are some of the things I’m presently about.
Whatever is driving me to write is coming from deep inside. As if by fate I was provided with a platform with which to share not only my life experience, but also the experiences of others. Writing has consumed me, and I realise that the opportunity I have will be wasted if I choose to follow the same path that put me in prison.
Educationwise, I want to pursue creative writing. To that end I’m making a final push here by reading everything about writing I can get my hands on and forcing myself to read more classical literature. Thanks to literary journals, I’ve become a contemporary short-story junkie. I believe that style is inherent but it is important for a novice like me to learn what not to do. Visualising myself sat writing at a computer puts a smile on my face.
To those of you who want to know how it feels to be this close to the gate: I feel like a tiny tea-leaf that has been floating in a sink of water undisturbed for an inordinate length of time, and is now suddenly being sucked toward a drain leading to a new existence – an existence full of the kind of joy only available to those people who have lost and recovered their lives.
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
Six Months To Go
A number of people have asked for my thoughts and feelings now that I have six months left to serve at Tucson prison.
For the past five years I've been conditioned to try to make the most of each day and to deal with challenges as they arise. I became more forward focussed when this year began, and now I’m increasingly wondering what my life will be like when I’m free. Thoughts of freedom mostly make me happy. Regarding my worries, I tell myself that prison has given me a skill set with which I can overcome whatever obstacles present themselves.
I’m chiefly concerned about not being a burden to my parents. Living in their garage, I expect I’ll be a financial burden. I tell myself that I’m a natural money maker – but there’s always nagging doubts that arise between my delusions of grandeur.
Then there are the effects of my behaviour on my parents’ mental health. My sister recently sent me some printouts of my Mum’s blog. Reading them made me feel ill – and deservedly so – as I was reminded how the negative effects of my behaviour continue to affect Mum’s life. Since my arrest, she has been on and off psychiatric medication and she is now in therapy. Recently she sent me a letter in which she disclosed she’d had some nightmares about me with drugged-up eyes. That really socked me in the gut. I wrote back saying that incarceration has knocked some common sense into me. It has matured me, and focussed my mind on a new life path that I won’t throw away by behaving idiotically. I’m driven to do well for their sakes and my own.
So what do I do for fun when I get out? Reading and writing are fun. Creativity and accomplishment are fun. Spending time with family and friends is fun. Dropping Es with friends and raving in the 90s was fun but I’ve grown out of that – finally. I’m too old now. And that doesn’t mean that I’m no longer in touch with my inner child. I’ll always have a mischievous side. Raves enabled me and my friends to rebel against society like the flower children of the sixties. I believe a more productive and mature way to express my rebellious nature is through writing. Exposing injustice, giving voices to the marginalized, developing and sharing a philosophy: these are some of the things I’m presently about.
Whatever is driving me to write is coming from deep inside. As if by fate I was provided with a platform with which to share not only my life experience, but also the experiences of others. Writing has consumed me, and I realise that the opportunity I have will be wasted if I choose to follow the same path that put me in prison.
Educationwise, I want to pursue creative writing. To that end I’m making a final push here by reading everything about writing I can get my hands on and forcing myself to read more classical literature. Thanks to literary journals, I’ve become a contemporary short-story junkie. I believe that style is inherent but it is important for a novice like me to learn what not to do. Visualising myself sat writing at a computer puts a smile on my face.
To those of you who want to know how it feels to be this close to the gate: I feel like a tiny tea-leaf that has been floating in a sink of water undisturbed for an inordinate length of time, and is now suddenly being sucked toward a drain leading to a new existence – an existence full of the kind of joy only available to those people who have lost and recovered their lives.
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
Thursday, May 31, 2007
8 May 07
Odds & Ends
As temperatures stretch into the nineties, speculation continues to mount as to whether the transsexual with the breast implants on Yard 2 will go topless.
Piggie (who helped clean up the blood in my cell when I moved to Yard 1) may have set a new record for the shortest length of time out of captivity. Sixteen hours after being released, he was arrested for violating parole. “I reported in to my parole officer wasted on Mickey’s Ice, and he busted me for being drunk,” Piggie said.
Frankie is looking for someone to live with in England in 2008. Any takers? His only requirement is that your home is well stocked with lube. Depending on the state of relations between Frankie’s faction of the Mexican Mafia and the rival faction that tried to kill him at the Madison Street jail, you may end up with a burro’s head in your bed.
The short-timer madness I discussed with Dr. T. is over. My attitude is now along the lines of, Bloody Hell! I’m getting out in a matter of months.
I've been doing burpies with Iron Man, a martial-arts expert and fitness powerhouse, serving a nine-and-three-quarter-year sentence for various crimes including smashing down a door to collect a debt: “I didn’t hurt anyone. I just wanted my fuckin’ money.” After working out with him, I limp home barely able to smile or utter a greeting to my amused neighbours.
To size up the short-story market, I’ve sent subscriptions in to several literary journals including The Chattahoochee Review, The Paris Review, and Zoetrope. For book reviews, I’ve sent a subscription in to the New York Review of Books. Being new to this field, I welcome advice from anyone who has had short stories published.
Royo Girl wrote that she wouldn’t be visiting for a while. It seems she has taken a lover. I don’t blame her. Maybe I should do likewise. I wonder if Kat’s available. I should have known something was up when Royo Girl said, “I’m going off British accents, and moving onto Australian ones.”
For mental sustenance, I’m reading Nietzsche’s Ecce Homo: “The saying of yea to life, and even in its weirdest and most difficult problems: the will to life rejoicing at its own infinite vitality in the sacrifice of its highest types…”
More questions answered here
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
Odds & Ends
As temperatures stretch into the nineties, speculation continues to mount as to whether the transsexual with the breast implants on Yard 2 will go topless.
Piggie (who helped clean up the blood in my cell when I moved to Yard 1) may have set a new record for the shortest length of time out of captivity. Sixteen hours after being released, he was arrested for violating parole. “I reported in to my parole officer wasted on Mickey’s Ice, and he busted me for being drunk,” Piggie said.
Frankie is looking for someone to live with in England in 2008. Any takers? His only requirement is that your home is well stocked with lube. Depending on the state of relations between Frankie’s faction of the Mexican Mafia and the rival faction that tried to kill him at the Madison Street jail, you may end up with a burro’s head in your bed.
The short-timer madness I discussed with Dr. T. is over. My attitude is now along the lines of, Bloody Hell! I’m getting out in a matter of months.
I've been doing burpies with Iron Man, a martial-arts expert and fitness powerhouse, serving a nine-and-three-quarter-year sentence for various crimes including smashing down a door to collect a debt: “I didn’t hurt anyone. I just wanted my fuckin’ money.” After working out with him, I limp home barely able to smile or utter a greeting to my amused neighbours.
To size up the short-story market, I’ve sent subscriptions in to several literary journals including The Chattahoochee Review, The Paris Review, and Zoetrope. For book reviews, I’ve sent a subscription in to the New York Review of Books. Being new to this field, I welcome advice from anyone who has had short stories published.
Royo Girl wrote that she wouldn’t be visiting for a while. It seems she has taken a lover. I don’t blame her. Maybe I should do likewise. I wonder if Kat’s available. I should have known something was up when Royo Girl said, “I’m going off British accents, and moving onto Australian ones.”
For mental sustenance, I’m reading Nietzsche’s Ecce Homo: “The saying of yea to life, and even in its weirdest and most difficult problems: the will to life rejoicing at its own infinite vitality in the sacrifice of its highest types…”
More questions answered here
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
Monday, May 28, 2007
5th May
Grit
Over chow I asked Grit, “Do you mind if I ask how long you’ve been down?
“Sixteen years on this sentence. And I was locked up in Folsom before that.”
“Grit’s no joke,” Iron Man said. “He was known for stabbin’ folks. He always had two shanks on him back in the day in the chow hall. He’d raise his shirt, show his two pieces of steel, and say, ‘I’m strapped. I’m ready for anythin’.”
“Yeah. When I’m on the shit, I’m nuts, I’m crazy. Back then, I was the kinda guy who’d stab you fulla holes, then sit on your body and eat a sandwich while you bleed out.” Grit raised his right hand and improvised chewing a sandwich.
“Do you think you’ll make it on the streets here soon?”
“Yeah. I’m done with that lifestyle. I’ve changed my ways. I’m a whole different guy than I used to be. As long as I stay off the shit, and keep my eyes on God things are gonna be alright.”
“Where are you gonna stay?”
“I got a letter out of the blue from my ex-wife. She wants me back. I’m gonna be livin’ with her and my sons in Prescott Valley.”
“Is your mind prepared for the outs after all these years?”
“Yeah. I’m off the shit. I’ve been clean for several years. I don’t want any problems. I’m gonna be released to my wife’s house. That’s a real blessin’.”
Addendum.
A few days before his release, Grit received some bad news.
“It was,” Grit said, “all arranged for me to go to my wife’s house in Prescott Valley. Now DOC is sayin’ no, I hafta go to a halfway house in Sunnyslope for ninety days. That place is run by ex-cons who actually sell dope right outta the joint. This is fucked-up, man. They’re sendin’ me right into the middle of a bad situation. Man, I don’t wanna get high. I don’t wanna do dope no more. But if it’s right in front of me - I’m an ex-addict - how am I gonna stare at dope all day and not do any?”
Iron Man’s face, usually stoic, was steeped in concern for Grit when he said, “You can only go from where you are. When you start at square one, it’s bad enough. But when you send a guy who wants to do good into a pit of snakes like that howthafucks he possibly gonna do any good with his life?”
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
Grit
Over chow I asked Grit, “Do you mind if I ask how long you’ve been down?
“Sixteen years on this sentence. And I was locked up in Folsom before that.”
“Grit’s no joke,” Iron Man said. “He was known for stabbin’ folks. He always had two shanks on him back in the day in the chow hall. He’d raise his shirt, show his two pieces of steel, and say, ‘I’m strapped. I’m ready for anythin’.”
“Yeah. When I’m on the shit, I’m nuts, I’m crazy. Back then, I was the kinda guy who’d stab you fulla holes, then sit on your body and eat a sandwich while you bleed out.” Grit raised his right hand and improvised chewing a sandwich.
“Do you think you’ll make it on the streets here soon?”
“Yeah. I’m done with that lifestyle. I’ve changed my ways. I’m a whole different guy than I used to be. As long as I stay off the shit, and keep my eyes on God things are gonna be alright.”
“Where are you gonna stay?”
“I got a letter out of the blue from my ex-wife. She wants me back. I’m gonna be livin’ with her and my sons in Prescott Valley.”
“Is your mind prepared for the outs after all these years?”
“Yeah. I’m off the shit. I’ve been clean for several years. I don’t want any problems. I’m gonna be released to my wife’s house. That’s a real blessin’.”
Addendum.
A few days before his release, Grit received some bad news.
“It was,” Grit said, “all arranged for me to go to my wife’s house in Prescott Valley. Now DOC is sayin’ no, I hafta go to a halfway house in Sunnyslope for ninety days. That place is run by ex-cons who actually sell dope right outta the joint. This is fucked-up, man. They’re sendin’ me right into the middle of a bad situation. Man, I don’t wanna get high. I don’t wanna do dope no more. But if it’s right in front of me - I’m an ex-addict - how am I gonna stare at dope all day and not do any?”
Iron Man’s face, usually stoic, was steeped in concern for Grit when he said, “You can only go from where you are. When you start at square one, it’s bad enough. But when you send a guy who wants to do good into a pit of snakes like that howthafucks he possibly gonna do any good with his life?”
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
Friday, May 25, 2007
03 May 07
If only I knew of an organisation that could facilitate Slingblade’s long overdue release to a mental-health unit that would cater to his needs.
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
If only I knew of an organisation that could facilitate Slingblade’s long overdue release to a mental-health unit that would cater to his needs.
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
30 April 07
Psychotherapy with Dr. T (2)
“So what’s stressing you out?” Dr. T asked.
“My release,” I said. “I keep thinking that I’m not going to get released come this November.”
“Anxiety is normal in this situation. I would expect your symptoms to increase as you get closer to the date. Have you not been using your cognitive techniques?”
“Yes. I’ve been reading more Aurelius and Epictetus. And last night I posted to my wall something I read in my latest Siddha Yoga lesson: concentrating on any problem only serves to intensify it. I even laugh at how ridiculous I am for worrying but then later on I convince myself I’m not getting out again. Do I have short-termer madness?”
“That’s not how I’d describe it. This anxiety is a normal thing.”
“Even if it keeps me awake at night with racing thoughts? So many strange things have happened with my legal case it almost seems as if the law of averages indicates that my release will get botched somehow.”
“Staying up at nights is not a good thing. You need to sleep. Concentrate on your breathing. Are you aware of how rapidly you’re breathing now?”
“I wasn’t, but now I am. I felt so excited when this year began. But now my thoughts have shifted into another direction.”
“Freedom equals the realisation of your hopes and fears. You must use your cognitive techniques or else your symptoms will get much worse. Is there anything else bothering you?”
“No. We’ve covered my main concern.”
“Then put in a HNR if you need to see me again.”
“OK. Thanks.”
Feeling stressed out, I walked home wishing a lengthy session with Dr. O were available. Then I realised how spoiled I was by Dr. O.
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
Psychotherapy with Dr. T (2)
“So what’s stressing you out?” Dr. T asked.
“My release,” I said. “I keep thinking that I’m not going to get released come this November.”
“Anxiety is normal in this situation. I would expect your symptoms to increase as you get closer to the date. Have you not been using your cognitive techniques?”
“Yes. I’ve been reading more Aurelius and Epictetus. And last night I posted to my wall something I read in my latest Siddha Yoga lesson: concentrating on any problem only serves to intensify it. I even laugh at how ridiculous I am for worrying but then later on I convince myself I’m not getting out again. Do I have short-termer madness?”
“That’s not how I’d describe it. This anxiety is a normal thing.”
“Even if it keeps me awake at night with racing thoughts? So many strange things have happened with my legal case it almost seems as if the law of averages indicates that my release will get botched somehow.”
“Staying up at nights is not a good thing. You need to sleep. Concentrate on your breathing. Are you aware of how rapidly you’re breathing now?”
“I wasn’t, but now I am. I felt so excited when this year began. But now my thoughts have shifted into another direction.”
“Freedom equals the realisation of your hopes and fears. You must use your cognitive techniques or else your symptoms will get much worse. Is there anything else bothering you?”
“No. We’ve covered my main concern.”
“Then put in a HNR if you need to see me again.”
“OK. Thanks.”
Feeling stressed out, I walked home wishing a lengthy session with Dr. O were available. Then I realised how spoiled I was by Dr. O.
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2006-2007 Shaun P. Attwood
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