15 June 06
Slave-X Deprogrammed By Televangelist?
One week after Slave-X made a vow to serve Xena, his mother and televangelist stepfather came from Florida to see him for their annual visit. Slave-X returned from the visit in a high state of agitation.
“Xena, I gotta tell you somethin’. It’s bad news. I can’t be Slave-X anymore. You know about my visit. My mother married a televangelist, and all we talked about was Jesus, and me walkin’ the right path, and how if I veer from that path, I’ll burn in hell, and there’ll be fire and brimstone.”
“You’re not gonna burn in hell for havin’ fun,” Xena said.
Trembling, Slave-X said, “You don’t understand! I have to face them! I couldn’t look them in the eye.”
“When are they comin’ back?”
“I don’t know. I’m thinkin’ of takin’ my stepfather off my visitation list.”
“Was it really that bad?”
“The whole time they were talkin’ about the wrath of God, and half the time we were holdin’ hands in front of everyone at visitation, and they were holdin’ my hands up in the air, and prayin’ to Jesus for my everlastin’ soul, but all I could think about was your legs. They made me realise that if I continued to be your slave, they would know my soul was doomed. Oh God, I think they know already! I had the thought in my head the whole time. Knowin’ I’m your slave, I couldn’t look at them, and tell them everything’s gonna be OK. I was embarrassed.”
“Embarrassed of me!” Xena’s soft voice hardened.
“Oh no!” Slave-X squealed. “Oh my God! I could never be embarrassed of you. You’re the love of my life, the lastin’ wholeness, everythin’ that’s good in this world.”
“And how is it you’re gonna burn in hell for feelin’ like that?”
“You don’t understand!” Slave-X seemed at his wits end, and near to tears. “I have to face him – the televangelist! I have to look in his eyes, and tell him I’m not doin’ wrong. Not that I am doin’ anythin’ wrong, it’s just that I have the thought of bein’ your slave, and you spankin’ me, and your long legs in my head when I talk to him. He sees through me. I can’t lie.”
“So what are you sayin’?”
“I don’t know...er... I guess...er...I still want you to... er...spank me, if I can caress your lovely long legs.” Slave-X began to cry, his lower lip trembled. Lasciviously.
Xena abandoned Slave-X to his inner dilemma.
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Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood
Friday, July 14, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
12 June 06
Question Time for Two Tonys
Here are Two Tonys responses to some of your comments and questions.
Adele asked if Two Tonys is sorry about the whackings, or has any regrets about his life.
“I’ve got a lotta regrets about my life, but I never whacked a motherfucker that I didn’t feel good about afterwards. For the record: there was no workin’ stiffs amongst those I whacked. None of 'em were on the way to the mill, lunchbox in hand. They were all in –.” Two Tonys pinched his right thumb and forefinger together, raised his hand, and pronounced slowly, “ - de bizznezz. And I didn’t learn that expression from Elmore fuckin’ Leonard. I’m sincere about that. I’m not layin’ on my bunk at nights, tossin’ and turnin’, seein’ this dead motherfuckers face, or worryin’ if he had a wife or a daughter. I’m seein’ the eyes of a motherfucker – and I’m not plagiarizin’ Chicago here – of a motherfucker who had it comin’. So what if I nailed the motherfucker, put slugs in him. I’ve got no remorse for that, 'cause he had it comin’.”
Bill asked how long Two Tonys is in for, if he’ll ever get to whack anybody else, and if Bill could hire him for such services.
“I’m in till 2082. I’m in a real comfortable spot in my life right now. I don’t see any reason to have to whack a motherfucker again. I stay outta the line of fire. I don’t get in other people’s business. There’s a quote I read every day: Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none. That’s my Ten Commandments right there. That’s my Exodus, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John rolled into one.
No: I will not whack a motherfucker for Bill. The record will show I never whacked anyone for affronts committed to somebody else in my whole fuckin’ life.”
Terry B suggested Two Tonys take up Shakespeare.
“I’ve read Shakespeare. ‘Hark, hark. Who knocks at yonder door.’ ‘Out, out damn spot.’ That was when Macbeth and his wife had just whacked the king, and they were tryin’ to wash the blood outta their clothes and hands. ‘A horse. My kingdom for a horse’ That’s Richard the Third.”
Anonymous pointed out that Two Tonys only used six ‘fucks’ in the blog Books.
“My thesis on the word fuck is: it’s like sayin’ DWI or any other acronym. When the Puritans first came to this country, after leavin’ sunny ol’ England, they had their rules and regulations they established when they got off the fuckin’ Mayflower. One happened to cover fornicating in public. The legal term was For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. Abbreviated in legal terminology to F-U-C-K, to save them time.
Back then, when they busted a guy from the marketplace behind a bale of beeswax, boffin’ some wench – and I’m only sayin’ wench 'cause that’s the terminology they used in the 1600s. I don’t want the readers thinkin’ I’m a chauvinist pig, 'cause I have respect for real ladies, my mother and sister were real ladies. Anyway, they arrested him and took him to pilgrim court, and explained to the judge it’s for -U-C-K. So I’m not swearin’. Swearin’ is like sayin’ somethin’ like, ‘you punk-ass sonuvabitch’.”
Anonymous pointed out that some of the dialogue in Elmore Leonard’s novel Get Shorty is similar to Two Tonys speech.
“The element I’ve been brought up and raised in didn’t copy Elmore Leonard. It’s the other way round. Elmore Leonard gets his shit from people like me, unless you think Mr.Leonard is a whacker of men.”
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood
Question Time for Two Tonys
Here are Two Tonys responses to some of your comments and questions.
Adele asked if Two Tonys is sorry about the whackings, or has any regrets about his life.
“I’ve got a lotta regrets about my life, but I never whacked a motherfucker that I didn’t feel good about afterwards. For the record: there was no workin’ stiffs amongst those I whacked. None of 'em were on the way to the mill, lunchbox in hand. They were all in –.” Two Tonys pinched his right thumb and forefinger together, raised his hand, and pronounced slowly, “ - de bizznezz. And I didn’t learn that expression from Elmore fuckin’ Leonard. I’m sincere about that. I’m not layin’ on my bunk at nights, tossin’ and turnin’, seein’ this dead motherfuckers face, or worryin’ if he had a wife or a daughter. I’m seein’ the eyes of a motherfucker – and I’m not plagiarizin’ Chicago here – of a motherfucker who had it comin’. So what if I nailed the motherfucker, put slugs in him. I’ve got no remorse for that, 'cause he had it comin’.”
Bill asked how long Two Tonys is in for, if he’ll ever get to whack anybody else, and if Bill could hire him for such services.
“I’m in till 2082. I’m in a real comfortable spot in my life right now. I don’t see any reason to have to whack a motherfucker again. I stay outta the line of fire. I don’t get in other people’s business. There’s a quote I read every day: Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t botherin’ you none. That’s my Ten Commandments right there. That’s my Exodus, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John rolled into one.
No: I will not whack a motherfucker for Bill. The record will show I never whacked anyone for affronts committed to somebody else in my whole fuckin’ life.”
Terry B suggested Two Tonys take up Shakespeare.
“I’ve read Shakespeare. ‘Hark, hark. Who knocks at yonder door.’ ‘Out, out damn spot.’ That was when Macbeth and his wife had just whacked the king, and they were tryin’ to wash the blood outta their clothes and hands. ‘A horse. My kingdom for a horse’ That’s Richard the Third.”
Anonymous pointed out that Two Tonys only used six ‘fucks’ in the blog Books.
“My thesis on the word fuck is: it’s like sayin’ DWI or any other acronym. When the Puritans first came to this country, after leavin’ sunny ol’ England, they had their rules and regulations they established when they got off the fuckin’ Mayflower. One happened to cover fornicating in public. The legal term was For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. Abbreviated in legal terminology to F-U-C-K, to save them time.
Back then, when they busted a guy from the marketplace behind a bale of beeswax, boffin’ some wench – and I’m only sayin’ wench 'cause that’s the terminology they used in the 1600s. I don’t want the readers thinkin’ I’m a chauvinist pig, 'cause I have respect for real ladies, my mother and sister were real ladies. Anyway, they arrested him and took him to pilgrim court, and explained to the judge it’s for -U-C-K. So I’m not swearin’. Swearin’ is like sayin’ somethin’ like, ‘you punk-ass sonuvabitch’.”
Anonymous pointed out that some of the dialogue in Elmore Leonard’s novel Get Shorty is similar to Two Tonys speech.
“The element I’ve been brought up and raised in didn’t copy Elmore Leonard. It’s the other way round. Elmore Leonard gets his shit from people like me, unless you think Mr.Leonard is a whacker of men.”
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood
Monday, July 10, 2006
08 June 06
Slave-X
After reading The Complete Marquis de Sade, Xena decided to convert one of her adorers here, a lifer, into Slave-X.
“I have a proposition for you,” Xena said.
“What’s that?” Slave-X asked.
“Would you be my slave?”
“Would you want me to do anythin’ you ask, without question?”
“Yes, and you’d get spanked.”
“Every day?”
“Yes, everyday.”
“Oh, Xena, you’ve got beautiful legs - the best I’ve ever seen. I want to be a thing, an entity, an object - all for your pleasure. That would be exciting, a little bondage, all for you.”
“You want me to spank you right now don’t you?”
“Wow! You’ve got me all excited. I can feel my toes curling.”
“Then you can start by kissin’ my feet…”
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood
Slave-X
After reading The Complete Marquis de Sade, Xena decided to convert one of her adorers here, a lifer, into Slave-X.
“I have a proposition for you,” Xena said.
“What’s that?” Slave-X asked.
“Would you be my slave?”
“Would you want me to do anythin’ you ask, without question?”
“Yes, and you’d get spanked.”
“Every day?”
“Yes, everyday.”
“Oh, Xena, you’ve got beautiful legs - the best I’ve ever seen. I want to be a thing, an entity, an object - all for your pleasure. That would be exciting, a little bondage, all for you.”
“You want me to spank you right now don’t you?”
“Wow! You’ve got me all excited. I can feel my toes curling.”
“Then you can start by kissin’ my feet…”
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood
Thursday, July 6, 2006
05 June 06
Nan
On the phone today, Dad disclosed Nan had died.
It was hard not to cry when I heard that Nan had asked for me on the eve of her death. Suddenly, I felt so sad. I even forgot to wish Mum a happy birthday.
I had no one to share my sadness with, so I stayed in my cell. I pondered how my crimes continued to affect my family, how I couldn't be there for Nan because of the bad decisions that put me in prison, of how I'll never see Nan again.
Goodbye, Nan. Thanks for being there for me when I was growing up. You knew how special our love was. I’ll always miss you, the delicious apple pies you baked, and the games of Scrabble we played for hours on end. It hurts that I didn’t get to see you before you departed. May you, reunited with Granddad Fred, rest in peace. I adored you both.
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood
Nan
On the phone today, Dad disclosed Nan had died.
It was hard not to cry when I heard that Nan had asked for me on the eve of her death. Suddenly, I felt so sad. I even forgot to wish Mum a happy birthday.
I had no one to share my sadness with, so I stayed in my cell. I pondered how my crimes continued to affect my family, how I couldn't be there for Nan because of the bad decisions that put me in prison, of how I'll never see Nan again.
Goodbye, Nan. Thanks for being there for me when I was growing up. You knew how special our love was. I’ll always miss you, the delicious apple pies you baked, and the games of Scrabble we played for hours on end. It hurts that I didn’t get to see you before you departed. May you, reunited with Granddad Fred, rest in peace. I adored you both.
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood
03 June 06
Tae Kwon Do
“Whatthafucks yer problem, you old motherfucker?” The question, swung like a battle-axe by Ogre, stopped the conversation between Two Tonys and the Chicanos.
“Don’t fuck with me,” Two Tonys said. “I kill Californians, motherfucker.”
Ogre swaggered from a gang of woods (peckerwoods) and grabbed and squeezed Two Tonys' ID.
Two Tonys’, seeing his ID get bent in half, made a tae kwon do move. He hitched his right leg behind Ogre's, and pushed Ogre's shoulders.
Ogre, who was stood precariously on a curb, lost his footingand fell to the ground. Too startled to speak. Too stunned to rise.
“Why’d you grab my ID?” Two Tonys said. “I warned you never to lay hands on me, motherfucker!”
“I told you a long time ago that I’d never hurt you," Ogre said. "Well fuck all that. Come on, motherfucker! Get some of this, old man.” Ogre rose.
It took a group of inmates to keep Ogre away from Two Tonys.
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood
Tae Kwon Do
“Whatthafucks yer problem, you old motherfucker?” The question, swung like a battle-axe by Ogre, stopped the conversation between Two Tonys and the Chicanos.
“Don’t fuck with me,” Two Tonys said. “I kill Californians, motherfucker.”
Ogre swaggered from a gang of woods (peckerwoods) and grabbed and squeezed Two Tonys' ID.
Two Tonys’, seeing his ID get bent in half, made a tae kwon do move. He hitched his right leg behind Ogre's, and pushed Ogre's shoulders.
Ogre, who was stood precariously on a curb, lost his footingand fell to the ground. Too startled to speak. Too stunned to rise.
“Why’d you grab my ID?” Two Tonys said. “I warned you never to lay hands on me, motherfucker!”
“I told you a long time ago that I’d never hurt you," Ogre said. "Well fuck all that. Come on, motherfucker! Get some of this, old man.” Ogre rose.
It took a group of inmates to keep Ogre away from Two Tonys.
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood
Wednesday, July 5, 2006
01 June 06
A Kiss (Part 2)
Click here for A Kiss Part 1.
A Kiss (Part 2)
Click here for A Kiss Part 1.
Thoughts on the kiss:
When I first see Royo Girl at visitation, should I play it cool and just kiss her hand? Kiss her hand! Wait a minute, since when have you been afraid to make a bold move? Plant one on her lips right away. But not for too long. Just long enough to leave a lasting impression. Then go for a longer one at the end when everyone else in the visitation room is doing it. Then, you’ll be able to get in a good sniff of her neck.
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Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood
Tuesday, July 4, 2006
30 May 06
Shakedowns
After breakfast, guards swarmed Yard 4, and began to search our cells.
My penis shrinkage began when I saw a guard known to search inmates' foreskins walking toward Building D. I felt relieved when he stopped at the downstairs run.
A guard entered my cell and said, “Enjoying reading?”
I'd spent the morning in a world created by John Updike. “Yeah. I sure am.”
“I need you to strip.” After examining my body, he said,“Get dressed, and take your mattress outside.”
Outdoors, an ovoid man wearing an Arizona T-shirt was scanning mattresses with a metal detector that looked like a flying saucer on a stick. He was the oldest staff member I had ever seen. Next to Ovoid Man, stood the GED teacher, Mr Davidson. “And how are you this fine mornin’?” he asked as he ticked my name on a clipboard.
“Jolly good,” I said.
Ovoid Man began cruising his metal detector over an area of dirt, and it beeped frantically. “Lieutenant, this durts got fuckin’ metal in it everywhere,” he rasped as if gasping for oxygen.
The lieutenant aimlessly kicked some dirt around. Nothing was found.
“Jon, you can go back to your cell now,” said the guard who had searched my cell.
I was welcomed home by a mess on my bunk consisting of clothes, jars of peanut butter,
boxes of crackers, bags of pretzels, books, cassette tapes, bedding, pens, writing pads, and letters. I quickly put everything back where it belonged, and made the bed.
The cluster of inmates outside watched everything of theirs deemed contraband get seized. Some looked tense. Some irate. Some clowned around.
Dressed in black and looking like a vampire who didn't belong out in the sun, ADW Smith arrived. With him came a large operations officer (OO), chewing on a cigar and with a wild look in his eyes. A guard presented the OO with some pieces of metal. The OO removed the cigar from his mouth, nodded knowingly at the metal, grinned at the metal, clicked his walkie-talkie, and said, “Can you come to Yard 4? We need some info regarding metal objects.” Then he put the cigar back in his mouth, and blew out a cloud of smoke. The cloud steadily ascended until a flock of pigeons flew through it.
The shakedowns on Yard 4 lasted all morning. Then the guards invaded Yard 3.
Addendum: a lengthy shank was found in Pop’s mattress. Pops and Slingblade were sent to lockdown. There’s now an investigation and possible criminal charges for dangerous weapon possession, which could jeopardise Slingblade’s parole.
There’s a rumour the shank was planted. But who did it or why remains a mystery.
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood
Shakedowns
After breakfast, guards swarmed Yard 4, and began to search our cells.
My penis shrinkage began when I saw a guard known to search inmates' foreskins walking toward Building D. I felt relieved when he stopped at the downstairs run.
A guard entered my cell and said, “Enjoying reading?”
I'd spent the morning in a world created by John Updike. “Yeah. I sure am.”
“I need you to strip.” After examining my body, he said,“Get dressed, and take your mattress outside.”
Outdoors, an ovoid man wearing an Arizona T-shirt was scanning mattresses with a metal detector that looked like a flying saucer on a stick. He was the oldest staff member I had ever seen. Next to Ovoid Man, stood the GED teacher, Mr Davidson. “And how are you this fine mornin’?” he asked as he ticked my name on a clipboard.
“Jolly good,” I said.
Ovoid Man began cruising his metal detector over an area of dirt, and it beeped frantically. “Lieutenant, this durts got fuckin’ metal in it everywhere,” he rasped as if gasping for oxygen.
The lieutenant aimlessly kicked some dirt around. Nothing was found.
“Jon, you can go back to your cell now,” said the guard who had searched my cell.
I was welcomed home by a mess on my bunk consisting of clothes, jars of peanut butter,
boxes of crackers, bags of pretzels, books, cassette tapes, bedding, pens, writing pads, and letters. I quickly put everything back where it belonged, and made the bed.
The cluster of inmates outside watched everything of theirs deemed contraband get seized. Some looked tense. Some irate. Some clowned around.
Dressed in black and looking like a vampire who didn't belong out in the sun, ADW Smith arrived. With him came a large operations officer (OO), chewing on a cigar and with a wild look in his eyes. A guard presented the OO with some pieces of metal. The OO removed the cigar from his mouth, nodded knowingly at the metal, grinned at the metal, clicked his walkie-talkie, and said, “Can you come to Yard 4? We need some info regarding metal objects.” Then he put the cigar back in his mouth, and blew out a cloud of smoke. The cloud steadily ascended until a flock of pigeons flew through it.
The shakedowns on Yard 4 lasted all morning. Then the guards invaded Yard 3.
Addendum: a lengthy shank was found in Pop’s mattress. Pops and Slingblade were sent to lockdown. There’s now an investigation and possible criminal charges for dangerous weapon possession, which could jeopardise Slingblade’s parole.
There’s a rumour the shank was planted. But who did it or why remains a mystery.
Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below
Copyright © 2005-2006 Shaun P. Attwood
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